Wednesday, July 28, 2010

Do you want to hear more?

A little background before I say what I want to say. My Father or as I have come to call him the sperm donor, was basically in and out of my life from the time I was born in 1981 till around 1993/94 & at the same time my step father came into my life about the time that the sperm donor left it. When me and my mother moved to Wayne (in 1989) we found out that we had moved around the block from the sperm donors new family so at that point he was always in my life, I was always over there visiting with him and his new family, now that I look back on it and the way that my life has panned out since, I almost wonder if I was a burden on him and his "new" family. Him & his family decided to move in 1993/94 (I believe that was the year) to Arkansas, when this happened sperm donors step son told me he was going to keep me from seeing my father. And whether it was him or not, he was right. Once they moved I didn't speak to him for another 5 years. When I was 16 I found out that my father had another child, who actually was older then me and to make it worse we grew up together not ever knowing that we were related so of course we never got to develop that bother sister bond. In 1998 my Mom married Art and he became my step father. I talked to the sperm donor in 1999 when I was about to graduated & had just gotten engaged. I was so excited but not once did he ever congratulate me, I was heartbroken that's about when the Anxiety attacks start along with the depression. In June 2000 me & (at the time) my fiance lost our son Zachary Tyler, I did speak to my supposed father after the loss, he sent me flowers and his children sent me a care package. After this the next time I spoke to him was in August when we had a surprise birthday party for my Grandma Jennie (his mother). We had wrote each other through the years (or so I thought) until I found out that the step Bitch (his wife) was the one writing the letters to me, again more heartbreak to hear that it wasn't even my father I was hearing from, I put an end to that and told her I never wanted to speak to her again so of course though the letters stopped. Me and Zachary's father broke up in 2001 and that is when me and David started dating. The next time I tried to contact the sperm donor was in 2003 when Me and David were getting married. I invited him to the wedding but never got a response back, so when our daughter Devin was born I didn't even bothering contacting him to tell him about his granddaughter. We began to contact each other through the Internet, but that was it, he never called and I never seen him, So he did get some updates on my daughter, again though I never got a congratulations or anything about getting married or having a child. In about 2004 the state contacted my mom about back child support that my father owed so of course they went after my dad, and he was arrested for back child support and brought back to Michigan for trial. The Step Bitch called me and had the nerve to accuse me of getting the sperm donor arrested and was very hurtful towards me about the whole thing, Once the Lawyer that started the whole thing heard about this he was very mad and told her not to ever contact me again or he would arrest her. I went to his hearing and I did see him (but of course that was from across a court room). So I figure that after he had his hearing and since he was in town that before he left he would come visit with me and meet my husband and his granddaughter (since he had planned on visiting another Friend of his in Michigan), no such luck he went home without even attempting to come see me. I didn't speak to him for another year when he called me out of the blue, because he was sick ( I almost think he had a fear that he was going to die to he wanted to talk to me just in case). this was back in 2005. He knows about his other grandchildren but that is only because my grandmother tells him about them. I feel I have been abandoned but at the same time, I have had a revelation. Through all of the heartache that I have gone through with the sperm donor, other then my mother (and immediate family) there is one person that as been there for me through everything & he didn't have to be he chose to be. My Step father Art, has been basically the only father I have know since mine moved in 1994. I love Art and I am so grateful for all that he has done for me, and even though we have had our rough times, like when me and David first started dating and when we got pregnant with Devin he was not to happy, but he gave David a second chance & once that little girl was born his heart was hers. He is the best thing that has happened to my mother & for that matter as far as fathers go, me. I am still heart broken at the way the sperm donor has treated me. But at the same time I am so grateful for the wonderful Mother and Father that I have. Yes I said Father, because as I see it Art is my Father not my step Father & he has been since he came into our lives!

So there you have it, more to the story and alot of the reason why I feel the way I do about the sperm donor. I hope this clears things up more.

Have a Great Day!



judy aka mom said...

when I was just one year old my mom and dad divorce,but I really don"t remember much of my childhood.Untill I was about 5 when my sister told me that the man I throught was my dad,in fact was not my dad.will being that young I guess I real didn"t understand.shorty after that my real dad would take me and my sister about once a month for a few hours.(that didn"t last long).being that my step dad was there maybe thats why i didn't feel like I was abandon.I always called my step father, dad.I even try using his last name, but the school wouldn"t aloud it,that upset me more then this man I called dad loved me and my sister and cared for us,but was not aloud to use his last name.It wasn"t untill I was marryed and then divorce that I finally realized that this man that didn"t help create me but care for me and loved me no matter what didn"t have to do all these things for me.and at that point realized that just because you help create a person DOESN"T make you a dad, its love and care you have for that person that makes you a dad (or mom.)So I decided that instead of dad and step dad, it would be for now on sperm donor and DAD.instead of losing my mind on why some one doesn"t love me, Iam very happy with someone who does love just because not because he has to.Its the sperm donors lost that he missing out on knowing a good person like me.

remember the song: Love The One Your With

theres to many people out there that do love you,to lose your mind over the One who doesn"t

Catrina said...

Our story's are so simular! I am know now that there is no reason to get all heartbroken over all that the sperm donor has done. If anything I am greatly because if not for the way he treated me I may not have been so close to my father Art and I wouldn't trade that relationship for the world!