Tuesday, July 27, 2010

What would you do?

{Pre-warning if you are my family, there might be some things that you may not like hearing me say (don't worry its not about you, its about the man who helped to create me). If you have any questions just send me a message either via email of Facebook.....}

Do you Facebook? If you don't you are certainly lucky I am super addicted to Facebook, don't ask me why I just am. I get on the computer in the morning and other then checking my email its the first thing I do and then I sit there, like I'm waiting for someone interesting to come on and talk to me, but is there anyone that ever talks to me. Every so often I get a freind or so who actually wants to conversate with me but mainly Me, my Mother, Father and Hubby joke with eachother (because we are sitting in the same room or same house talking to eachother on Facebook, I know pathedic right?)

So anyways just recently I found someone on FB (facebook) that I don't particularly like for many reasons, mainly because when the Sperm Donor got arrested for overdue child support she blamed me and had the nerve to call me and tell me to fix it (get him out of jail), when in fact it had nothing to do with me, well okay he owed my mom child support for me but I had nothing to do with the arrest it was the State that went after him for not paying his child support not me. I wasn't very happy about that one obviously and neither was the lawyer that was going after the sperm donor for the child support. I checked out her FB page, yeah I was curious to see what the sperm donor looked like since I haven't seen him in about 5 years at least and the only reason why I seen him was because I went to his trial, did he even attempt to come see me afterwards since he was in my state (he lives out of state)? No he went and visited a freind of his and then went back home. I haven't spoke to him in probably that long either. The closest he has ever been to my children is seeing pictures that I send my grandmother (his mother), he has never actually personally met any of his grandchildren. You probably wondering when I will make my point aren't you? Don't worry I will eventually get to it. I asked my step sister to befreind me and FB I have no problems with her and never had we actually were really close when they lived around the block from us when I was younger, this being before they moved out of state and never spoke to me again, actually the funny thing is that we are freinds on FB (and Myspace) and yet we still haven't spoke to eachother I am starting to wonder if there is a point of having her on my freinds list.

Well her mother (remember I hate her) asked to be my freind on FB the other day I denied her I have no reason to be freinds with her even if its a stupid internet website, I had other issues with her in the past posing as my father and writing me and stuff online and through snail mail. Thinking about it sure maybe she was writing for him but either way I don't want contact with her. whether she is writing for him or not. Well today I signed on to FB and all of sudden the sperm donor has a FB page (he didn't until a few days ago, mmm like right after I denied his wife on FB). I was conflicted what do I do? Do I accept him and see if he (probably she) attempts to contact me or do I deny him as well and not give them a chance to make me feel even shitter about the situation? After consulting a few people (2 people if you must know and the two peoples who's opinions mean the most to me), they felt it wasn't a good idea but knew that no matter what it is ultimately up to me (which I knew that, no matter what anyone says it is in the end my decision). I have a Father remember he has been there for me for the past 15 years, he may not have been the one who helped to create me but he has been the one who helped to raise me!

Okay so finally to my point.... What would do? Would you accept his freind request (you know the sperm donor who has barely been there for who knows how long ( I seriously lost count of the years). Or hows this... When I went through my nervous breakdown and postpartum depression back in 2009, my grandmother (his mother) told him to call me because I could really use some support and he never tried to contact me at all. Jeeze what I am trying to do convince you all why I denied his freind request or convince myself as to why I did it?

I know that if some of my family are reading this they may wonder why I say these things or feel this way, but if you knew the heartache I have went through growing up trying to put effort into making someone love me the way I have with him you would understand. I tried for many years to stay in touch with him and keep him involved in my life but my efforts were, well like his FB request Denied. If you don't remember I did put a little bit of background as to why I feel the way I do in this post. I have yet to decide whether I will post more about this part of my life although I do have something that I wrote a long time ago about my Father, that puts more of my feeling in perspective.
I think I am going to have to finish this later in another post as I have a cranky little 20 month old at me feet yelling at me.

Have a Great Day!

1 comment:

Amanda said...

I would maybe accept the request but on a very limited profile. Don't let him/her view pictures of your children or details. Just allow them the bare bones of your profile and a chance to open contact. As it progresses you can allow details as you see fit