Tuesday, December 14, 2010

Chapter 21 - Your Mean! I Hate You!

Before I start this post I just want to first say that these are some of my experiences and while I am not a therapist or a doctor, I am expressing my interpretations of the situation in this discussion. Everyone will experience and interpret these experiences differently.

If you got older kiddo's then you probably have heard it at least once before.... "Mommy you mean!" Or some variation of that. I hear that a lot lately coming out of the mouth of my 2 year old. Obviously if she doesn't get her way, whoever told her now is mean. When your told by you child that your mean, some parents may get upset, they don't want to be a mean parent. I'll admit the first time I was told I was mean by one of my kids it stung a little, but the one thing that hurt was when my child said "I hate you!" Right now you may be thinking my child will never tell me that, but let me clue you in... Eventually one day your kids will say this to you and trust me depending on the situation its gonna hurt. See for us when they say your mean we turn it into a joke, "yeah I know I am the meanest Mommy in the world! I am just horrible" I really like saying that when I am out in public, after one of the kids tell me I am mean for not getting them what they want because I LOVE the bad looks I get from other people. They can't believe that you are saying this about yourself, they must not realize its my way of A) making a joke of what my kid just said to me and B) getting my kids to laugh so they forget that I just told them no. But its hard to make light of being told your hated by your child. This is were I try to sit down and talk to them about what it is that made them say this. They are young of course they are serious about hating you (at least not when they are younger) its their way of getting their frustrations out on you. I've been told by one of my daughters that she hated me, It hurt very badly (there was more said) but she was upset for getting in trouble and upset that she was very upset and frustrated with me. When your kiddo gets to that stage were he/she has become more independent and smarter then everyone else (and believe me eventually they will think this way). When they have this new attitude they will probably be getting themselves into trouble a lot and of course that's when they think you don't care about them so they say they hate you (because they think you hate them), at least that has been my experience so far. Depending on how you are as a disciplinarian parent, make sure that you have both calmed down before you go to talk to your child. No matter how angry you might be about the situation at hand reassure them that although they may "hate" you right now, you do still love them no matter what! To me that is the main thing that you need to make sure your child knows in their frustrations it that you still love them now matter how much trouble they are getting into, no matter how angry you are at them or they are at you, they have to know that you still love them unconditionally!
I hope this will help you to be able to deal with this situation when and if you have to deal with it.

Have an Oh So Wonderul Day!

No comments: