Saturday, November 20, 2010

Chapter 5 - Who comes up with this stuff??

In writing all of these chapters to "My Book" and looking up products you tend to come across things that you have never seen before and either why couldn't I have found this sooner or what the hell were they thinking?

I found a website that surveyed some moms and came up with the most ridiculous baby products made and guess what? Pee Pee TeePee's are on the list HA I told you!

Baby Gizmo Annual Survey: Most Ridiculous Baby Products

From fake hands to hold your baby to a contraption that hangs them from the bathroom door, surveyed thousands of moms to find this year's most ridiculous baby products

We're moms. We love to shop. And sometimes we get suckered into buying ridiculous products. So we surveyed thousands of moms from around the country to find out what they thought were the most ridiculous baby products on the market right now. Caveat emptor!

#1 - Zaky Pillow

This is a set of fake hands that lays against your newborn to trick her into thinking that it's you. It's almost too creepy for words. And wrong. So very wrong. Even the description is creepy: "Leave a hand with your child!" We'd like to see the studies of these poor babies 10 years from now who found out their loving parents were really disembodied mummy hands.

When I first looked at this I thought what a great idea, put then I read the description and totally agree

#2 - The Baby Keeper

The Baby Keeper is a contraption that hangs your baby on the back of a public bathroom door so you are "free to go." The picture says it all. Convenient? Perhaps. Sanitary? No way. Trusting a single hook will hold my baby safely over the hard bathroom floor? Not a chance in hell.

Great Idea now I can stop carrying around the duck tape because of course I want to dangle my child from a bathroom stall door doesn't every parent?

#3 - WhyCry Baby Crying Analyzer

We'll let the manufacturer describe this one: "The WhyCry Baby Crying Analyzer is a new, innovative device that analyzes your baby's crying and can help you understand and identify why your baby is crying." This device is going to tell us why our baby is crying? And for only $65? Are they kidding? Plus, unless it makes our baby STOP crying, it's of no use to us.

I don't even need to comment the description says it all

#4 - Prenatal Educational Systems

A device you strap to your pregnant belly like an electronic fanny pack that plays a rhythm of sounds for an unborn baby that resembles a mother's heartbeat but not quite. The rhythms are actually different and random. Let us get this straight: as the baby starts to distinguish the difference between the mother's heartbeat and the "fake" heartbeat - the learning begins. What? Surely, you jest. So, as the baby is growing and thriving in the womb listening to the mother's heartbeat, they want you to throw in an erratic heartbeat for an hour twice a day? Why would you ever do that? So the baby thinks mom has been in a car accident? We would never mess with our baby's brainwaves in utero and neither should you!

Totally Agree!

#5 - Silk Covered Diaper Bags

Sure they are beautiful in the store. But every single silk diaper bag that we have ever seen in use is frayed, stained, balled, faded and just plain hideous. Unless the silk is covered with plastic, a silk covered diaper bag is $150+ you will regret spending.

Okay why would you spend that much on a diaper bag to begin with!? Let alone one that will look like shit 2 days after you begin using it?

#6 - Fur Covered Diaper Changing Pad

We love designer diaper bags as much as we love designer purses. But some of them have gone where luxury does not belong: faux fur-covered changing pads "for baby's comfort." Um, do the manufacturers know what goes on down there? Do they know what you use a diaper changing pad for? To keep baby's butt off the germy public changing counter, but also to help contain the, shall we say, sloppy seconds and inevitable diaper explosions. Yes, they claim to be machine washable, but when? When we're in a public restroom? We either rinse it out in the dirty sink and carry it home wet, or should we fold the poo-stained pad up and shove it back in our lovely designer diaper bag and stink our way home? In our humble opinion, fur and poop do not mix. Pretty much ever. A vinyl-like, wipeable surface is the only thing that should cover a changing pad.


#7 - Stroller Baskets As Second Baby Seats

We're all about making double strollers as narrow as possible so store clerks can stop hating us, but this is ridiculous. You know you've seen them: the all-terrain stroller that looks like a totally normal single stroller for the first rider, but has an odd scooped-shaped seat underneath where you are supposed to place your second rider. Literally, the second kid gets tucked underneath where the basket usually is, with no view, no great air supply, and nothing to do but stick their little fingers in the wheel spokes spinning inches from their face. Yes, the manufacturers saw the error of their ways and now offer "finger guards" for the wheels, but that will hardly stop our 2-year-old from dragging their knuckles, playing "pick up the dirty cigarette" polo, and needing therapy years from now.

Not to mention what if the child on top farts or poops then child on bottom has to smell their stinky Ass!

#8 - Bad Baby Videos

All videos are not created equal. We love good videos, and there are a couple to be had, don't get us wrong. But bad baby videos are just plain stupid. What makes a bad baby video? Bad production quality, bad music, cheesy 3D computer animation, and endless, lingering close-ups of toys and lava lamps. Toys are meant to be played with, not looked at onscreen. And don't get us started on the creepy, homemade sock puppets. Named after poop, no less.

I just want to know what crappy as videos they are talking about?

#9 - Knee Pads

If you want your kid to get beat up on the playground later in life, be sure to remind their friends they needed knee pads to protect their knees when they were learning to crawl. Yes, little tender knees get a little scraped. But are rug burns on baby knees really a major problem in today's households? Unless you teach your kids to crawl across concrete, we don't think so. In any case, there's a simple solution that's been around for centuries: pants. Knee pads: necessity for rollerblading, ridiculous for babies.


#10 - Pee Pee Teepee

Yes, we've all been peed on by our baby boys once or twice, but a fabric cone to set over their wee wee just in case? How long is it taking to change that diaper, and how long is he exposed that you really need a cover? And, p.s., we've seen the stream of pee in action. It's a large, large, arc that can shoot halfway around the room. You're telling us that much force against a tiny fabric cone won't A) shoot the cone around the room with the pee, or B) reflect the pee back at the baby himself. Yeah, we're not buying it. Literally. We're not buying it.

HaHa I told you!!

Have a Great Day!

This article was taken from I am just borrowing it because I think its hilarious! Just wanted to make sure you knew I was not trying to pass this off as my own!

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