Wednesday, March 2, 2011

I vow to... Wait didn't I do this already?

I've said it a hundred times... I've started something and I was all excited about it but my energy level was just not there and I slacked and I stopped doing what I was doing and became disappointed in myself.  I had become a slacker and instead of getting motivated to start doing it again, I got upset and slacked even more.    My energy level has deminished this few months, yeah I've been exercising but I still have no energy I'm exhausted all the time I literally have to force myself just to get out of bed to do anything.  I just want to sleep all day!  I wonder if it is just a lack of sleep, if its caught up with me, but then I wonder is there something wrong with me?  Seriously?  There is no way someone can feel this kind of exhaustion and weakness and not have something wrong with them!  Okay it sounds like I am having an pity party and getting ahead of myself, but I'm not so please bear with me..  So today I made an appointment, I will get checked tomorrow, I am going to find out what the hell is wrong with me and start working to fix it and get some damn energy!

With the way that I am feeling I feel like I am failing as a parent, seriously I do!  Don't be mistaken I am taking care of my kids, I feed them, I bath them and they are well cared for but there is so much more that I can do for them.  I could play with them, do activities with them.  We can learn new things and take trips places.  But right now, these things are not happening.  I do have to say that to me a child doesn't need to be occupied by thier parent all the time, they do need to be able to entertain themselfs and play with thier toys and thier siblings without thinking that thier parent should be there playing with them constantly.  But sadly I don't do much with them right now because my energy levels are so low, I'm lucky that I even exercise once a day.  But I don't want to be like that anymore! Its time to take action! and that is what I am doing.  I have an almost 5 year old that needs to learn new things before entering kindergarten in the fall and while she has learned things in preschool I want to teach her more!  I have a 2 year old that needs to be potty trained and weened from her pacifier and taught new things.  I have an infant that while theres not much more we can do right now, she will be ready to start learning things eventually. And well I have a 7 year old that I just need to spend more time with in general.  Our relationship is slacking (thats a whole other post in itself!).  I have a house that constantly needs to be straightened up and laundry that constantly needs to be done.  Breakfasts, lunches, and dinners that need to be made.  And while all this does get done, some of it takes a while for me to get it done.  Because I am so tired I spend most of my day lying around, this just can't be normal thing... Can it?
Since I spent a few days in the hospital with Carly I was broken from my somewhat routine (which I really didn't have one), So today I get back into the swing of things,  I slacked on eating right in the hospital but then again I was more concerned about Carly then loosing weight.  Today I start back.  Time to begin exercising again so obviously I just added 3 more days onto the end of my 12 weeks transformation (which I don't mind).  But again I have no energy... I didn't sleep much in the hospital because Carly didn't sleep much. So I have to try to catch up on that as well.  :)

Have an Oh So Wonderful Day!


Andrea said...

Hey Catrina!

Thanks for stopping by. I can totally relate to your frustration with the low energy. Trust yourself; if you think something is wrong, it just may be! I just found out I have hypothyroidism (pregnancy can be a trigger - and you have 4 adorable kiddos) and a low Vitamin D level... just got on meds an am starting to feel better!

With that said, it may just be that life with 4 little ones is exhausting! The life of a stay at home mom never slows down. So don't be too hard on yourself!!

Take Care,

Catrina said...

Thanks :) Yeah I went to the doctors today and had blood work done so hopefully by Monday (or sooner) we will know what is going on :)