Good Bye Blogger..

Today is the day... Today I move over to WordPress....  It was nice being with you blogger but I must bid you adu.

You can follow me over to WordPress... (and I hope you do!)

http://myohsoborninglife.wordpress.com/


Have an Oh So Wonderful Day!
Catrina

Maybe Bringing SIIS back...

I am really disappointed in myself,  I've gained some weight back.  I really hated seeing that on the scale.  When I was staying at 182.2lbs I was okay because I still was stuck at 20lbs lost. But I'm not there anymore, I gained 5lbs and I am so not happy with that! I need to get back to Sucking It In Saturday (SIIS) but I just don't have the energy to exercise right now. So I am going to start by watching what I eat again.  Thats a start right? I know that is my biig problem and why I have been gaining the weight back I haven't been watching what I am eating and I have been shoveling in the food lately.  I am always hungry, maybe thats because I am just not active and need to get myself more active. All I know is I need to do something, I can't continue to eat the way I have been eating and laze around like I have been.  Somethings gotta give, I guess it will have to be me.

So Welcome back to Sucking It In Saturday!

Have an Oh So Wonderful Day!
Catrina

They made designer What?

Okay Possibly TMI alert,  I'm not going to go into full detail about  periods and all that they entail but we are going to talk about a new product, well not new product a some what improved product I guess you can say.  I'm sure you have seen the commercials for U by Kotex.  If you haven't well then you don't watch enough television (how dare you! haha) 

Well if you have seen the commercials or have actually bought the product then you already know that the packaging is colorful.  I like that their tampons are compact. 

Okay have you seen the product in the store lately?  If you answered No well then let me share with you... They now have designer pads and tampons! 

This is were it gets kinda weird for me.  Why in the world do we need designer decorative pads? Seriously I want to know this?  I don't want to get to disqusting here but really I just don't get the concept of having a pad look all pretty when you are about to bleed all over it!! Who are you going to share it with?  "Oh look how pretty my pad is!" (I think not!)

That's not to say that I didn't just buy any recently on our outing at Target but that is because they were on clearance and I can't pass up clearance items (especially when they will get used eventually).  But my clearance problems can be discussed later in another post.

What do you think about the new pretty decorative pads and tampons?

Have an Oh So Wonderful Day!
Catrina

Almost ready to say goodbye....

I think I have pretty much gotten my WordPress blog ready to go ( I think...).   But I am just not sure when I should make the switch.  I'm mean this is happening all so suddenly, change is happening so quickly and I guess I am just a little afraid to leave my Blogger home here.  I guess you can say I'm scared.  Will I like it over at WordPress or will I come to realize that I made a mistake and want to come back to Blogger?  Will I find WordPress just to complicated and want to come crawling back to my easier Blogger home?

I guess I am afraid to somewhat start all over...  I hope you all will continue to follow my blog.

I think I will be making the big Move on August 1st. 
I will post a link to the New blog of course so that ya'll wont have to search for me but yeah I think August 1st I will begin my WordPress advanture...

Have an Oh So Wonderful Day!
Catrina

Body Art....

Well I did it I got my girlie's names tattooed on me .  Things didn't go exactly as previous planned so once they heal I will be trying to see if they can lighten them up a little bit so they are not so dark.  But other then that I am Happy with it.  It's not a bracelet like I had thought before.  I have 2 names on each wrist and a little heart with an S inside between each name. 

I'm glad I had it done although I really wish I would have thought things through a bit more because it caused a lot of conflict between me and the Hubby.  I know you don't often hear people say it but I screwed up!  I mess up, made assumptions, and didn't consider my Hubby's thoughts or feelings on the matter.  I feel horrible for it all and wish I could change the way things panned out but I can't take it back now.  This is honestly the worse thing I have ever done since me the Hubs have been married, I am definitely paying for it now. 

Have an Oh So Wonderful Day!
Catrina

Making a switch...

No offense Blogger I love you, Your were I got my blogging start but... Well you are irritating the hell out of me!  I have trouble commenting on my friends blogs, I write a long ass blog post and you don't save any of it and then I gotta rewrite the entire thing!!  I'm not the only one that has made the switch there have been many that have made the switch as well.  Jessica over at Pretty Lil Pieces is thinking about making the switch as well.  The only problem?  Wordpress is hard to figure out!  Holy confusion batman!

So for now I blog on both Blogger and Wordpress until I get things situated and were I wanna be.  (I'm sure I will post basically the same thing on both blogs for now).  But I am thinking I may be making the switch within the next week or so (so it won't be to confusing for to long).  So if I will give you the link to the new wordpress blog once I make the final switch.

Have an Oh So Wonderful Day!

Catrina

Do I do it or not??

(bites lip) Did you know I'm a tattooed Mama?  No I'm not embarrassed about it but I am having a mental argument with myself right now....

I got my first tattoo when I was 18, my mom hated tattoo's and told me there was no way I could get one until I turned 18 (legal age to get one without parental consent).  Well I turned 18 saved up my money and got my damn tattoo!  That'll show her, who's boss right?  It was a tiger butterfly, a butterfly with the face of a tiger inside, but mine is a blue eyed tiger ;)   I love my tattoo always have, in fact to me depending on what type of tats you got to me they are art and your body the canvas.

Just 2 days later I got another tattoo, not the smartest decision I ever made, in fact one of the stupidest decisions I ever made!  I had gotten the initials of my (at the time) fiance, on my chest.  I know stupid, right? Well after my son passed away and we broke up I immediately covered up the tattoo with my sons name.  Its a cross with a rose and a banner with his name, even if I wasn't covering up a tattoo I still would have gotten it in the same spot over my heart because that is were he is (in my heart). 

Well the Hubby HATES tattoo's. We've had the discussion many times and his opinion has always been the same.  Actually when I got my tongue pierced it was because I had a craving for a tattoo and the hubby did not want me to get it, so I told him either a tat or my tongue.  Well duh, he hates tat's so guess what I got!

Well from the moment we started dating he knew I wanted to get our children's name's tattooed on me, that's just the way I am.  Well while searching pinterest I found a beautiful idea...

A white Tattoo

Ain't that so cute! I love it! So I have begun thinking I want to get our girls names tattooed on me.  I want a white tattoo on my wrist.  I'm not yet sure how I want it yet.  I was thinking a list of their names going down my wrist, but my mom was thinking it would be cute if I did it like a bracelet with hearts or stars separating their names.  Which I think that sounds nice.  The biggest problem that is accuring for me is that I REALLY want to get this tattoo but again like I said the Hubby doesn't want me to (although he says if I really want to he won't stop me but he would prefer me not to).  He'll make fun of me for getting it I know he will, he will tell me it looks stupid or whatever (jokingly of course) but do I get it and deal with the ridicule or don't get it and possibly regret not getting it? 

What do you think?  Of course by the time you read this maybe I'll have already gotten it? Maybe, Maybe not.... hehe

But I still want your opinions, what would you do in this situation?

Have an Oh So Wonderful Day!

Catrina

Pinteresting!

So I know you heard me complaining and moening the other day how I needed more space for crafts and other such things like that?  Well I thought that I would share with you the things reasons why I want my own space for crafting and the so many things that I have found on pinterest that I want to do in my own home (once we get one).  Oh and there are a few other neat things as well.  If you haven't checked out pinterest yet, you should!  Just prewarning though... Its addicting.  Also I have linked up each picture to pinterest so that you can go to the actual source of each pictures to find out how to do wome of them.  ENJOY!!!



Okay first something a little boring. But are you getting tired of spending a bunch of money on egg dye just for it to barely dye your eggs?  I know I am and I have not tried this but I sure will next easter.  Kool-Aid to dye your eggs, Genius!   (ps I have also heard of people using it as temporary hair dye but I have never tried that either so be careful!)

 How cute is this for decoration in your home or over your bed?  A window picture frame!  I love it!

This for me kinda goes with the above picture,  I am loving this home made stuff lately, I could totally go for making my own bed! Maybe it won't exactly look like this but I could totally see doing this!

These are nice, I love that they are personalized for the kids!  My kids have savings account and a box for spending money.  But I love that they have would have specialty jars!  (I just have no place to put them right now)

Now this is awesome!  Not long ago we put a bid on a house and I started getting excited about possibly getting a new house so I started shopping for things to furnish the house, I couldn't believe how expensive patio furniture was.  But then I seen this and thought wow we could do this at our house and it would be so much cheaper!  

And of course we would need a table to go with our new patio couch so of course we would have to do this!

I thought this was a great thing for the kids!  Pillow mats... I was thinking last night about this and all the neat things I could add to this.  (like zippers or buttons on the side so you can attach a blanket to it)  Oh and did I forget to mention that these are made out of old pillow cases!!

 This kinda goes with the above picture, on pinterest this is basically just a applique tuterial.  But I thought it would be great to also personalize the above pillow mats. My mind is racing with all the possibilities!

 Now tell me you can't look at this and think OMG this is so cute!!  I am totally going to do this for Carly for halloween this year!! I have already tried to find the tights and shirt to go with the costume so if you know of any where I can get these things PLEASE tell me! 

So as you can see pinterest has a lot of neat things on there, its not just about projects there are also beautiful pictures of things and other such stuff! (again addicting)  I just want to try so many of these things!  And I can't wait till I can,  I'm acutally growing impatient of waiting ;)

Have an Oh So Wonderful Day!

Catrina

Banning the Binky! Day 2

So the first whole day without the bink went resonably well.  She did ask for it first thing in the morning and a few other times during the day.  I went shopping with the oldest girlie, and when I got home she had a bink in her mouth!  I flipped out, took it from her and told her no more bink.  I asked were she got it but no one knew, How the heck did she get it?  The damn thing was on the window ceil in the kitchen above the sink!  She didn't like that I took it from her but she handled it pretty well I gotta say.  I was worried about how things would be come bed time.  The older two wanted to sleep in the basement and so did Kara but I told her no, I think she was more unhappy about that then not having her binky!  She wimpered for a second after I told her she couldn't have her binky.  She sat with her daddy on the couch to watch tv (futurama if you need to know).  Within minutes she was asleep, with no binky!

Night Number 2 was successful!  She didn't wake up once all night (she must have been exhausted!) and she has yet to ask for her binky today.  I hope tonight goes just as well.  I'm so proud of how wonderful she is doing my only problem I am having is if I tell her how proud I am of how well she is doing she may end up asking for her binky and I just want to keep her mind off of it.  So you see my problem here?

Have an Oh So Wonderful Day!
Catrina

Banishing the Binky!

The first 10 minutes were fine, until her sisters began there bed time stalling tactics.. You know the usual " my belly hurts", " I have to pee", yeah that kind of stuff.  That's when it got bad, that's when the request for the binky began.  I defiantly knew that its was gonna be hard, especially with Kara and the attachment that she has to that stinking thing!  Well that and #1 & #2 were extremely attached to it.  But today I thought maybe it might be slightly different.  I bet your wondering why (how)? Well we were shopping at the grocery store today and Kara was sitting in the shopping cart with her binky in her mouth (while I was trying to push the cart and caring Carly).  A women that works at the grocery store walked up to us and began talking to Kara.  She told Kara that she was a big girl and didn't need her binky anymore.  She told Kara to take it out of her mouth (which she did) and then she told Kara to give it to me (which she did again).  She continued to "lecture" Kara for around 5 minutes about how she is a big girl and a big sister and she shouldn't have a binky any more and she should only have sippy cups.  As soon as she walked away, Kara immediately asked for her binky but I didn't give it to her, I put it in my purse and continued on shopping.  Eventually we made it to the baby isle, Kara seen some sippys and made a request for a knew one.  I told her that if I got her new sippy cups for her that she had to get rid of her binkies. 

When she first went to bed things seemed to be alright, she of course asked for her binky but I gave her, her new sippy cup filled with water and told her "remember you said no more binkys if I bought you the sippy cup", she wimpered but layed down.  I think the night would have gone much better if her older sisters weren't playing in the bed and keeping her from falling asleep.  Then she kept hurting herself (again probably because her sisters were playing instead of going to sleep.  By the 3rd time that Kara hurt herself the older 2 decided they were going to go into the top bunk to leave Kara alone.  Kara was out in less then 10 minutes!  We have very few meltdowns for the binky that night.  Not that we didnt have any because we did but thankfully they where few and they were minor. 

So I think I can say that night number 1 without the binky was a success!!
I just hope we have good luck with night number 2....

Have an Oh So Wonderful Day!!
Catrina

Inappropriate toys for kids!

Okay so have any of you heard of this doll that has been selling over in Europe for 4 years now?  They plan on bringing the doll to the USA to sell.  No big deal right? Well the controversy behind the doll is that its called "The Breast Milk Baby"  there is a sensor in the the doll that if you bring it close to your shirt the doll will make motions and sucking noises just like a breast fed baby would.

Now I am all for breast feeding I even attempted to breast feed all four of my children (only to have a problem with each one *insert sad face here*) But personally I think having a doll that breast feeds or pretends to breast feed is just going over board as far as baby dolls go.  I can see your child pretends to breast feed a doll on thier own but I certainly do not see myself buying a doll that "breast feeds".  Really personally I think toy creators have gone to far with all that they are trying to get dolls to do.  Okay a baby that "eats" and "drinks", not to bad... even one that "pee's" isn't that aweful either but the baby doll that "pees" and "poops" I think is just ridiculous!   What ever happen to just letting kids use there imaginations for all this kind of stuff?  And for that matter I already have to clean up after my kids and pets I certainly don't want to have to clean up after a toy baby doll! 
Whats your opinions on this?  Do you think this doll is appropriate for children or have toy creators gone a bit to far?

Have an Oh So Wonderful Day!
Catrina

Oh So Crafty...

I wish! Really I wish I was a crafty person, I see so many blogs and people (like my mother!). Who are some crafty mofo's. I look on pinterest and see so many things I wanna try out. I guess I could be crafty if I actually tried right? You don't know untill you try! I didn't think I could loose 20 pounds but I did! I guess part of the reason why I don't give a lot of the crafts a try is because there is not enough room here for me to try new things. Don't get me wrong I love living here! I love having my parents here to help out (less stress on me! Hehe) but I would really like my own house so I could try out new things, so that If I make a mess on a craft I can keep it out until I'm done, see I don't know if I ever told you this but my mom is a clean freak, I'm serious she is a clean freak!! You can't leave anything lying around which of course it's not a huge problem i mean I certainly wouldn't want my house to be a disaster but I have having to put my projects away daily. The only major problem is finding a house big enough for all 6 of us eighths criteria we wan in the price range we need which is pretty well impossible! I know we are probably setting our hopes pretty high but we really don't want to move our children around all the time, like I was as a child it's no fun having to make new friends all the time. If we have to settle for a few years I can handle that but I'd prefer to find the house that we really want that we can afford. Of course doesn't every one? I guess we can't always get what we want though right? I guess I'll just have to give crafting a try when and stop making excuses...

Have an Oh So Wonderful Day!!
Catrina

My Not So Boring Life....

Sorry I have been MIA for a while but a lot has been going on... We had Devin's Birthday party on 2 Saturdays ago then of course they were still here on Sunday because it was a sleep over party.  I had the unfortunate luck of getting Fifths Disease over that weekend.  Which sucks!! For those who don't know what it is, its a viral rash that causes doily pattern rash on the body and a slapped cheek look on the face. From what we've experienced with Devin it didn't cause much problems with her other then itching, as for me I had severe itching and joint pain in my knees and ankles. Which joint pain is a symptom in adults, I hated walking up and down the stairs because thats when the pain was the worse.  We've been dealing with a lot of doctors appointments lately.  Devin is going to be getting retainers soon so she's been going to her othodontist appointments then, Kara ended up with fifths disease as well, and We've had family reunions and all that fun stuff.  I've been trying to get my exhaustion problem taken care of and am now on another anti depressant, to help counter the side effects of the first medication.  Well see how it all goes I hope it works because I am just getting so irritated with the way I have been feeling. 
I apologize for not blogging lately but things have actually been busy and I've been so tired that I just don't have the energy these days to do anything, not to mention the fact that I can do everything from my phone now ;)  I could even blog from my phone but again its that whole energy thing...

I will try to start blogging a bit more but at this time I can't promise anything.  The kids have been requiring my attention a lot more, the baby is teething and #3 is being a pain! She's causing many problems and just very cranky lately and wont nap! #2 Isn't being horrible but she is whining  a lot! #1 on the other hand has hit the preteen years and has the attitude of a 16 year old I kid you not! 
So I'll try to get back into blogging again...

Have an Oh So Wonderful Night!
Catrina

Professional or Not?

So I got my 2nd present from The Hubby yesterday, it arrived in the mail a few days early.  I got Photoshop Lightroom!  So today I did a photo shoot out in the yard with the kiddos.



Today was Devin was Devins 8th Birthday so of course I had to get some shots of the oldest for her Birthday!

 I really enjoyed taking some pictures of my girlies and then editing them in Lightroom

I even went to get them printed out at Meijers today and the guy actually though they were Professional pictures!

It sure does make a girl feel good being told your photos look professional!

I used my moms backyard for all the photos

During the summer her yard looks really pretty and a perfect back drop for photos

and I personally love the natural light of the summer

I love taking pictures of my girlies!

Although some times I wish they would cooperate a little better :)

I had to throw this picture in of my Best freind Jamie and her Sweet little 5 month old daughter Kylie, I took this at my surprise party and I just love this picture the way the black and white turned out!



Have an Oh So Wonderful Day!

Catrina

SURPRISE!!

So yesterday I turned the big 3-0! Omg 30, I'm so old now holy cow I'm 30!! Haha not really I actually don't see it as a big deal, I don't see why 30 is a big deal to most people, maybe I am in denial about my old-er age or maybe its everyone else around me that makes something no so significaint into a big deal.  Either way I don't get it.  But... and this is a big BUT.... Its one of those milestone Birthdays were you get to have a party and celebrate being "over the hill" and as depressed and upset as I was before that I didnt think anyone would even acknowledge my birthday, is how surprised I was that my family threw me a surprise birthday party!  I was indeed surprised and I had a great time, but at the same time I was truely and honestly upset by the fact that certain people chose not to show up.  I don't celebrate my birthday every year so its not like it was just another party, like I said its was a milestone birthday.  I know for some it was obviously difficult for them to show up because well it was the 4th of July weekend and they were no were to be found because they went out of town.  But for some they had no real excuse as to why they chose not to show up.  They couldn't take a few moments out of the day to come celebrate with me?  I know I shouldn't let these things bother me because the people who truely care about me showed up.  But the ones who did not... I thought they did care about me and I guess it hurts and stings to come to the realization that they don't care about me. 
But aside from the disappointment I did have a good time with my true freinds and family! We hung out, we talked, we jumped on the tramoline (haha yes I jumped on the trampoline!!) 

So here is to the big 30!
Have an Oh So Wonderful Day!!
Catrina

My new Facebook page

So it wasn't my idea but a freind of mine who is also a Avon Rep made a facebook page for her Avon, so I took her idea and I made a facebook page for my Avon as well.  I figure if I advertise a bit more then maybe I will get more sales.  I have mentioned that you can go to www.youravon.com/kstraw to order avon right?  With it being summer there are a lot of good deals, you might want to stock up on bug spray!  We also have Sun Screen that can visably reverse the signs of sun damage! 

Okay yeah I know why am I using my blog to advertise, sorry but hey if you believe in a product your gonna tell your friends about it right?

So go check out Avons awesome products (if you'd like, hint hint :)

Have an Oh So Wonderful Day!!
Catrina

Excuses and a New Family Activity...

Sorry I haven't been around much lately, as always I have been totally exhausted but have had a lot of things going on, we looked at another house.. sadly another no go. Took the oldest to her first Detroit Tigers game, and we had a blast!! Found out our oldest was sick, she came home from her great grandmas the other day with a little rash by the next day it had spread to her chest and back and by Saturday it was on her limbs as well.  We took a trip to the ER to find out what the heck was going on with her.  They did a strep test and the rapid test came back negative, so they told us it looked like fifth disease, and since she only had a rash and no other symptoms we thought we were basically good to go, no medication, she was already passed the contagious stage and all we really had to do was make her comfortable with the rash.  Until today when I got a phone call from the ER nurse telling me that her Strep culture came back positive and she indeed has strep!  Its nice to know that my child has had strep all this time and did not know, she has been contagious this whole time and just started her antibiotics.  But at least she is on her way to getting better.

On another note....

I was reading a blog on my Parents.com app on my phone the other day and she was talking about caching and I was totally intrigued!  What the heck is this caching thing, and then I found out its actually called Geocaching, you can go to http://www.geocaching.com/ and join the experience that I just found out yesterday has been going on for 11 years now!  Geocaching is a real-world outdoor treasure hunting game. Players try to locate hidden containers, called geocaches, using GPS-enabled devices and then share their experiences online. 

I decided to give this a try, it sounded interesting and I thought it would be something fun to do with the kids.  So we got the app on my phone and started looking for our first cache.  Unfortunitly we couldn't find the first one so we moved on and found one close by, and let me tell ya it sounds like a weird thing to do and you make not think its fun (like my hubby) but just try and once you find your first Geocache you'll be so excited that you'll have to find another one, at least that was our experience.  So once all my errands were run yesterday, I took my oldest (who seemed more interested in it then anyone else) and one of our neighbors and we went searching.  In a 2 hour period we found 7 caches!  Its really strange (at least to me) to think that this has been going on for so long now and people have been doing this and these caches have been out there and we were all totally clueless to it!  Now whenever we go out my oldest asks if there are any caches nearby to search for, and if we have time we go on a little treasure hunt! We've actually thought about taking road trips to look for caches, tons of fun, right?   So if your looking for something fun to do with your kids (year round) then give Geocaching a shot. 

Have an Oh So Wonderful Night!

Catrina

Do I have to?!

This won't be a long post, as I am just way to tired to think to clearly at this moment in time...  A storm is brewing over head and the movie 2012 is playing on the television.  My eye lids are getting weaker, but I just feel I owe you all a post as to not leave you hanging so long...

We found another home to look and I really like this house (or at least the pictures of it) and I can't wait till we go look at it.  As long as things are good I think this may be the one and I am so excited about that!  Its perfect.  The colors in the house are already great and I don't think there will be much painting going on, because the living room, family room, kitchen and dining room are all painted so beautifully already!! I hope it looks as good in person as the pictures show!

I was looking at a few sales adds today at my grandmas house, because for some reason we dont get any of the good ones at our house (either that or I'm not looking good enough).  But I found so many things I like for the new house once we get it (if we get it).  I was also looking at some magizines today, I am so getting tired of looking at magizines right now.  My grandma got me a subscription to redbook and to parents magizine and I have held on to most of them, right now you are probably thinking omg shes a hoarder.  I guess in a way I kinda sorta am.  I don't keep them forever.  I go through my magizines, rip out any good articles that I think I may want to read later or products I really want to try and I save those instead of the entire magazine.  Well its been a while since I have done this so I have a HUGE stack of magazines to go through right now and I am pretty much getting bored and tired of doing so.  Oh and not to worry those that are crunchy because I know magazines kill so many trees I am recycling all my magazines along with any unused avon books and such. 

Well that is my quick little post

Have an Oh So Wonderful Night!
Catrina

11 years Ago....

"The Day You Slipped Away... Was The Day I Found It Won't Be The Same!"

At this point in my mind truer words were never spoken.  You know they say that time heals all wounds but there are just some wound that can not be healed.  No matter how hard you try they remain open.  Sometimes its gets easier yes but it never goes away, the pain still remains no matter what.  I've lost apart of myself, a hole still remains there til this day and always will.

I went to the cemetery today as I do every year.  To tell him I Miss him, Love him and wish him a Happy Birthday!

I don't know if he was there or if he was listening but as I spoke to him the clouds opened up and the sun shown down on my being.  Maybe this was a sign, maybe this was just coincidence, but it happened.

This plaque is all I have left of my son.  The top one is my baby boys plaque. 

This is my sweet baby boy Zachary Tyler Born Still at 35 1/2 weeks at 1:05pm weighing  5lbs 13oz and 19 1/2in long.  He is the most precious thing!  He would have been 11 years old today, if he were here today he would soon be entering middle school,  I think about the what ifs a lot .  Because what if he were still here what would life be like? 

Happy Birthday Zachary Tyler I Love You and Miss You!!!

Have an Oh So Peaceful Night!
Catrina

Finding the right words....

Its getting closer and closer and I just don't know how to feel right now.  I know that my family is feeling my stress and I don't mean to be this way but thats what happens as "the Day" draws closer.  I become moody and stressed and depressed and even when I am not feeling the pain I am, do you understand what I'm saying?  I hope you do, because I don't exactly know how to describe it.  Its like I'm a shell,  I'm here, I'm living life, smiling, joking and whatnot,  But my heart is breaking inside, the pain is just wrenching my heart, ripping it apart.  This year Zachary's Birthday falls on Father's day.  Now I know Father's day is not my day to celebrate, its to celebrate Father's and while yes I am the one who left Zachary's father I am not a cold heartless bitch I do feel badly that his sons birthday/death falls on the day he is suppose to celebrate being a father.  The first year that this happen I wrote him a letter just letting him know I understand how painful it may be for him but I would be there for him on that day.  I never heard anything back, and didn't think I would because I know all the hatred he has for me.  But I wanted him to know that he was not alone on that day.  This year I thought about sending him a facebook message, but this year I am not quite sure what to say to him.  I don't know about him but Fathers day is a hard day for me (as I am sure it is for him as well) because it was the day we were told that our son had died.  Thats when my heart broke, thats when my whole world crashed down as I wondered what I did wrong, how could this have happened and why was it happening to us.  So for me Fathers day is just as hard as his birthday.  But again I feel aweful, I want to say something but I just don't know the right words. What can I say that won't hurt him worse? What can I say to not make him hate me even worse? Do I even attempt to say something to him or just let it go?  I'm just so conflicted right now and am not sure what to do.....


Have an Oh So Wonderful Day!
Catrina