I just need to close my eyes, just for a second...

I know, I know I haven't posted in a while and I didn't do a Sucking it in Saturday post either.  No Excuses right?  Well I will still give you my reasons as I am sure you may be wondering what the heck is going on (unless you could really give a shit less then I will still tell you- so there!) 
One this weekend was a somewhat busy weekend for us, although 2 out of the 4 children were not  home this weekend, We had a birthday party to go to, the Hubs and I went to the casino (it felt great to have a night just the two of us).  And then of course we had to pick up the kids as well. 
Well we did not get the house, its a bummer I know and I think right now we are at a crossroads at what to do because there are tons of houses out there that are for sale but the only problem is they are far from our price range or have the quilities we are looking for... so I am not exactly sure what we are doing at this point. 
I have not been exercising nor have I been eating right, I know bad me!  Obviously my goal will not be reached by my 30th.  I'm also not sure were I will go from here.  I do want to loose more weight that is for sure but at the point in time when I look in the mirror (with clothes)I like what I see, I'm not thrilled with it but I am happy.  Now standing in front of a mirror naked is a total other story I hated it, I fear it, I could probably cry if I did it long enough.  But I think at this point with my confort level I think SIIS will be put on hold I am happy and excited and proud of myself for loosing the first 20lbs!  I am working on other aspects of my looks right now as well.  My teeth are a mess, (not as bad as you may think) but I am whitening them so that my two front teeth can have crowns placed.  I need to make a doctors appointment to find out why in the world I still have no energy and why I am so tired all the time but I have been to tired to make the appointment.  I have been taking over the counter iron pills and B12 and still they have had no affect on me.  I hope we figure something out soon because I can barely function like this and I would like to have the energy to begin exercising again.
Schools out for Summer! This is a good thing and a not so good thing.  Good thing I don't have to get up early as hell every morning to get Devin off to school, and hurry home every day to pick her up from the bus stop, not so good news.... the kids still get up early as hell!  I know have 4 kids to deal with during the day which would be fine if my almost 8 year old didn't have such a horrible attitude lately ( I pray she is not starting puberty early!), and now if I go any where I have to take all of them with me.  But we will get through this as we do every summer, but this will be my first summer with 4 in tow. 
Well that is all for now, I hope to update a little more this week but no promises. 

Have an Oh So Wonderful Day!
Catrina

Oops, I did it AGAIN!!!

What do you do?
What do you say?
Where do you go?
When do you pray?

When life has you stressed and you have no clue on were to turn.
Where do you find strength? 
What gets you through it?
Who is your support?

I did great yesterday and thought things would continue to go good.  Then today rolled around... While most of the day was just fine and dandy, things took a turn when we went to go look at a house.  That's when the stress and depression kicked in and that's when the I began to eat.  I over did it on my second day back, I didn't over do it as much as I normally do but I had a few cookies and a bottle of Starbucks mocha frappiccino, I also don't think dinner was to healthy either but I think I would have been okay if it wasn't for the Starbucks and cookies.  I let the stress of house hunting get to me, which I know is a big mistake since I eat when I am stressed or depressed.  I am indeed an emotional eater, and of course what happens when I over ate?  I get even more depressed!  Why can't there be an easier way to all this weight loss crap that wasn't so damned expensive?  Why can't life be more simple?  Why does buying (or even finding a house to live in) have to be so damn stressful and complicated?
I wish that I didn't keep having these damn posts about screwing, it seems like all I ever do anymore on here is post about how crappy I am doing on my diet and how pissed off I am at myself.  It seems like a never ending battle anymore, I just don't see me reaching my goal by my 30th.  I know the weight I have lost thus far is a great accomplishment and I am proud of myself for that but its not enough!  I'm still not happy were I am but for some reason I keep continuing to be a complete disappointment to myself!  I don't know maybe one day I will get my act straight and get to were I want to be......

Have an Oh So Wonderful Night!
Catrina

Back on my horse and trotting along...

So today I got back at counting calories, and sorta exercising.  I guess you can count calisthetics and bike riding exercise right? 
Yep I tried a new video today, haha it was a vcr tape, yeah how ancient are those?  Oh and to make it that much funny guess what it was?  Abs Of Steel!!! My aunt gave it to me and told me to try it out.  I thought about either doing the shred with it or my fit yummy mummy with it.  Not quite sure which one though.  I got tired and only did the abs of steel.  Then later on Devin asked me to go on a bike ride with her, and since its such a nice day we went.  So I still got two exercises in today and spent some great time with my kiddo.    Still not quite sure what I am planning on doing just yet, all I know is in order to loose the weight I wanna loose by my 30th I have to keep at it and stop slacking and screwing up on my calories and exercise.  Not to mention that I feel upset and mad at myself that I see all my freinds and readers who are doing so great and yep I admit I'm a bit jealous they are all doing so wonderfully! 

No matter what I do though I need to find out why in the world my energy levels are so low.  I've been taking the iron pills that the doctors told me to take and they dont seem to working so I think it may be time to make another visit to find out what is going on.

Have and Oh So Wonderful Day!
Catrina

The blame is soley mine!

I had every intention on coming on here and getting all mad at Aunt Flo and Mother Nature, because I've been so hungry lately and I've been eating a lot, more then I should.  I had every intention of blaming it on the fact that I will be getting my monthly visitor soon and that is why I have been so hungry.  I even started a post like that.  But the only one to blame here is myself! I'm the that is giving into the hunger, I'm the one that is allowing myself to eat whatever I want, and while the food is delicious, its also horrible for me and I am not doing myself any favors.  The one excuse I have been making is that I have not been exercising because of my knee.  It hurts constantly now, unless I am wearing my brace.  I guess I need to just suck it up and get back to exercising or suck it up and get it looked at by a doctor.  If I continue at this pace I will never get to my goal by my 30th.   I can no longer continue what i am doing I need to get my will power back.  Were did it go?  recently my mom hit a weight that she liked and she to began eating more again and stopped exercising, because she was happy finally and got comfortable being a bit smaller then normal and I think that is what happen to me.  I got comfortable and a bit happy that I had finally lost over 20lbs.  But all I am doing now is sabotaging myself to succeed farther. So today I jump back on that damn wagon once again, I pull myself up with pride and also with disappointment (in myself) and say I F'ed up but I'm done F'ing up!  I'm done letting myself do this to myself, I'm done letting myself eat whatever I want.  Isn't that what No More Excuses was all about?  How could I start something and give up so quickly?  I hang my head in shame right now,  I have shamed myself.  I hope I have not disappointed all of you? I tried to be motivating, I tried to give you all the confindence and the push to do what you were trying to do, and I gone and screwed up!  But no more!!  Please forgive me?  I'm back and better then ever!  I am so proud of everyone who has continued on and are loosing weight and exercising and doing all that you have intended on doing! You are doing great, Keep at it!

Have an Oh So Wonderful Day!
Catrina

A Chance to Win Nutrisystem? I'm all over that!

I've been wanting to try Nutrisystem for so long, but having 4 kids to care for we really don't have the extra spending money to do so.  But today I came across a blog that is having a giving away involving Nutrisystem and of course I HAD to enter!  Heidi  The Bragging Mommy  Is giving a lucky reader to try Nutrisystems Select10 which is 10 days of Nutrisystems fresh- frozen foods!  How amazing is that!  So of course I am not passing up the chance to enter this awesome give away!  And if you are trying to loose weight, you should pass up this opportunity either! So head on over to The Bragging Mommy and enter for a chance to win some yummy foods!   But hurry the contest ends 4/5!

Have an Oh So Wonderful Day!
Catrina

Finally....

Yesterday, ah what do I say... Ha gotcha no I didn't go over on calories and yes I did exercise.  While I didn't exercise until noon.  I did get it done, dinner went well, luckily the meal we had was low in calories to begin with it so it worked out great and I was able to have "dessert" which was a mixture of raspberries, blackberries, blueberries and strawberries, and I was still way under my calorie count (including my exercise).  I was a bit hungry later on but I ignored the urge to snack and to eat my weight in chocolate.  Yes I think if given the chance I probably could eat my weight in chocolate.  Damn that would be a lot of chocolate.  But oh that would have been so good!!

So yesterday before I climbed into bed for a half arse night sleep, I weighed myself, I know thats a stupid thing because of course your going to weigh your heavest at night.  But I did it anyways, I was happy to see that the scale was lower then its been in the last few days.  I woke up this morning and after stepping on the scale a couple times (to make sure that there was for sure a change I am back down to 179.8.  I'm moving back into the right direction.  And while I may not exercise bright and early in the morning (like they say you should) and am exercising, I am eating better which is so hard!  1230 calories isn't much to play with.  But that is were I am at right now on MFP.com.  As long as the scale continues to move in the right direction I think I will keep my sanity.  As long as the scale continues to move in this direction I may grace your computers with a before and current picture this Saturday.  I know your missing them aren't you? haha

But I must go for now as the childrens need me to make them lunch.

Have an Oh So Wonderful Day!
Catrina

I'm here to Motivate you and myself!!

No  More Excuses!  Right?  Yep that's right!  I went over my calories yesterday, yes I can make excuses as to why it happened but I like I said... NO MORE EXCUSES!!  I did exercise yesterday and I felt great all day but unfortunately food won the day.  But today is a new day and food will no longer win this battle!  I will no longer fall victim to its deliciousness!!

But can I say something?  I was disappointed about going over my calories and because of that I reached for food to comfort me!  Was this a mistake?  Well of course it was, I can not let food be a comfort item anymore and I can not let it get me down anymore!  You shouldn't either!  Of course counting calories is a pain in the arse and hard as hell but in order to reach the goals you are looking for you must eat the correct calories and exercise!  You won't get it by eating whatever you want.  You wont' get it by not exercising you can't get were you want to get without working!  Yeah sure they have weight loss pills and drinks and other such things but if you have ever payed attentioned to the bottles you still need to exercise!  No pill is fully magic you still have to work for what you want!

Even with getting your stomach stapled you still have to work, you can't just eat whatever you want all the time you still have to eat healthier and watch your calories.  I sure wish there was a way to magically loose the weight because I hate all this hard work but its gotta happen to get the results that I am working for!

I am more then motivated to get to my goal, I know I keep saying this and then I screw something up but nobody's perfect and I am going to get to my first goal by my 30th Birthday!  I know I can do it I just have to work a bit harder then I have been!  You can reach your goals too if you just stop making excuses because there is no reason why we can't do this!!
I know I can! I know I can! I know I can!

Have and Oh So Wonderful Day!
Catrina

No More Excuses!!

I'm full of excuses, and you know what my main excuse is? I'm exhausted, I have no energy, I'm on my period, I'm sick, my knee hurts.  You know what?  I am getting sick and tired of excuses.  Today I intended on exercising, I really did!  I put my exercise clothes on early this morning and I stayed out of my room, even though I soo wanted to take a nap I did not!  I got up put clothes away, and then began helping my mom clean the house.  I straightened up bed rooms, cleaned the bathroom, did a few loads of laundry and yet I still didn't exercise.  I kept telling myself I'll get to it but I have a few more things to do first.  Then I needed to print pictures, you know because now we dont get them professionally done so I had to print out our new family picture and the pictures of the four girlies together.  Then the Easter candy "called to me",  "eat me" it said "you know you want some chocolate, oh and how about you finish the ice cream you got from the cold stone creamery the other day?" So I did, I induldge I ate the things I shouldn't be eating.  I ate the things that cause weight gain.  The things that while dieting are forbidden foods.  You know what though?  I enjoyed every minute of it!  And of course felt total guilt afterwards (not to mention a belly ache, and no I didn't eat it all at once! haha)
I was looking in the mirror today wearing my exercise gear and my Navy sweater, I wasn't upset with what I had seen but I was upset with the fact that I let myself get full of excuses.  I've been stuck at the same weight for a while now and I have a goal to reach, obviously making all these excuses aren't helping me reach my goal! 
I know I have the will power in me to do this, I know I can do this I made it this far, and only I can help myself make it to the end!  No one can keep you from reaching your goals and dreams except for you!  There is no one stopping me from reaching my goals and dreams except for myself!  So from now on there are no more excuses! I am done with excuses!  So tomorrow is another new beginning of sorts!  I can't wait still I reach my goals and well I am done waiting...

Its on life Donkey Kong!

Have an Oh So Wonderful Night!
Catrina

Motivation

Yesterday, as I was laying in bed not wanting to get up because well... Duh I was exhausted!  I was thinking of all the things I was going to do.  Laundry needed to be put away more laundry needed to be folded and put away and more laundry needed to be washed and dried.  Rooms needed to be straightened up and for sure with out a doubt grocery shopping needed to be done.  But notice in there I never once said exercising needed to be done.  So I had though I can wait till later to shred it out, it doesn't need to be done right away.  I was going to be putting it off till later and honestly if I was putting it off it probably would not have been done at all.  Finally I thought to myself, stop being stupid get your arse dressed in your work out clothes and do your damn exercises!  Then I started to think what is my motivation, what is everyone else's motivation?  Why do we make excuses for not doing our exercises?  Why do we make excuses for not eating right? I mean really if you make the choice to exercise and eat right and loose weight, why are you making excuses to not get this shit done?
As you can see I get hard on myself sometimes.  But for good reason.  I have attempted weight loss so many time and then I gave up, I let myself slack and fail.   I had come to the realization that I was going to always be fat and there was nothing I could do about it, because every time there was an attempt to loose weight I failed miserably.  Then I don't know I guess you can say something clicked or maybe it was because Holly Rigsby from Fit Yummy Mummy contacted me and offered me and a program that would work to help loose weight and I only needed to dedicate 15 minutes a day to do it.  So I decided you know I will give this a try, whats there to loose.  The first couple days were really hard since it had been so long since I had even attempted to exercise.  But I kept at it.. I got discouraged after about 2 weeks because I wasn't having any weight loss, but the I was having inch loss.  Then I realized I wasn't eating right I was still eating horribly like I had before.  But once I started eating right the weight started to come off.  I kept at it and even on the days were I was starving and ate to much or days that I didn't have weight loss I kept at it.  And well if you have been following my blog then you know that I have had success, and while I have hit a plateau and struggling right now (mostly okay totally because of my eating habits).  I am sticking with it because I know I can do this I've come this far!
So what keeps you motivated?  What keeps you going?

Have an Oh So Wonderful Day!
Catrina

I think I busted my knee falling off the wagon...

I have a confession to make... I have been trying to be a good roll model as far as loosing weight, which I never thought I would be but after loosing 20lbs I really want to help people to achieve thier goals as well.  I was super lazy before, when I started my weight loss journey at the beginning of this year, to be honest I didn't think I would stick with it.  I had come to the realization and acceptance that I would always be fat and overweight (or at that time obese).  I thought to myself, "there is no way your lazy arse will ever loose weight you are destined to be fat the rest of your life its in your blood, the rest of your family is bigger, you'll always be bigger too!"  But I thought to myself there is no way I can let myself continue this way, I have to change things, there is no magic pill (trust me I tried a few).  The only way your gonna loose the weight is to work you arse off and eat right.  And even at the beginning I struggled with eating right.  It took me a few weeks to realize what I needed to do and how I needed to begin eating.  But then once I got it all in order the weight began coming off.  3 months later and 20lbs later I feel a lot better about myself, I like what I see in the mirror now I like who I see in the mirror now. 
But back to my confession... sorry, I hate to tell  you all but I have slipped from my diet :(  I know disappointing ain't it?  I have done horrible this week I have only exercised twice and have been eating badly on a few days.  I'm sorry please forgive me....

Have an Oh So Wonderful Day!
Catrina

not my intentions....

Is it just me or.... Has this blog seemed to turn more into a weight loss blog?  I never intended it to happen that way but I guess since starting this weight loss journey it has incompassed most of my life.  Believe me, I know my family gets tired of me talking about the weight I've lost or how I can't eat this or that because there are to many calories in it. 
I had decided this morning that this were going to be different I was going to get up early, doing a bit of laundry, empty the dishwasher out, clean up a little bit, and then exercise for (at least) 30 minutes, since I didn't exercise yesterday.  But as I went to bed (later then normal), my Oh So obnoxious 2 year old decided that she wasn't ready for bed and stayed up until 2am!  Little miss Carly woke up multiple times last night as well and to top it all off I just could not sleep worth a crap!  And if that wasn't all bad enough, the school bus was early this morning and I had to drive Devin to school.  So today we started off horribly bad!  But I did start doing laundry, got the dishwasher emptied and took a nap (sorry I had to!)  But now I still need to exercise and do all the other things I wanted to do, like try to attempt to potty train my 2 year old who, hates to be wet but pees in her underwear every chance she gets....   Maybe this is a sign that she is just not ready yet?  And yet I just received another sign.  I had to take a break from writing this post because Kara woke up from her nap is sering pain.  The poor thing has another ear infection!  That is her third ear infection this year alone.  The poor baby is really upset right now, extremely cranky and just down right miserable right now...  I feel so bad for her, she is in a lot of pain...

I'm sure I'll share more tomorrow.

Have an Oh So Wonderful Night!
Catrina

What a difference 20lbs makes.....

Okay so I was going to save this little surprise for next Saturday but I hit the 20lb lost mark!!! I was so excited, to see that this morning...  I am now 181.5lbs!!!  Can you believe it?  I know I can't I am so excited and just can't believe that I have lost 20lbs!  To be honest.... I didn't think I could do it, I had no confidence in myself.  I thought, like all the times before that I would once again fail miserably and fall flat on my face.  But this time I pushed myself, I pushed hard.  I had my moments were I thought I was failing and I had my moments were I thought I would never loose the weight that I was always destined to be a big fat ass for the rest of my life.  I hit the 20lbs lost mark! I looked at my before and my now photos and realized what I difference 20lbs makes because when I look in the mirror I looked the same.  But now today I hit the 20lb mark and when I look in the mirror... I see a difference, I look better, I look thinner.... I feel better, I feel thinner!  
I also got my hair cut and dyed yesterday. So now when I look in the mirror... I actually smile instead of wincing,  I actually admire what I see instead of cringing.   My transformation is not complete, I still have at least 20lbs that I want to loose but at least I am finally happy with myself!   Of course I may be annoying the hell out of my husband and family... But that's okay  :) 

Have an Oh So Wonderful Night!
Catrina

They don't know what they want....

When I decided to loose some weight, The Hubby told me... "don't do it for me, I like the way you are"  which give me a break what man likes a fat wife? Seriously?   But it wasn't for him anyways it was for me, I wanted to feel good about myself, I wanted to like myself again.  So I have taken this journey for the past 9 weeks, struggling up and down but trying my hardest to get things on track and to bring this weight down.  Some days I look in the mirror and I think wow I can really see a difference and some days I think damn your still a fat ass!  But I know the weight is still coming off and obviously ain't were I want to be yet.  This morning the Hubby says to me.... " I know I said don't loose the weight for me, but I'm really liking it."  my only response was "I told you!"  Because again really? What man doesn't want a skinny wife, because no matter how much you love them your gonna love them more with a hot body. Right?  I'm just glad he is seeing a difference and we are both happier.  I believe that the fact that I have a little more confidence helps as well because when you are happier with yourself you look better.  Needless to say I am smiling a little more today.  :)

Have an Oh So Wonderful Night!
Catrina

I vow to... Wait didn't I do this already?

I've said it a hundred times... I've started something and I was all excited about it but my energy level was just not there and I slacked and I stopped doing what I was doing and became disappointed in myself.  I had become a slacker and instead of getting motivated to start doing it again, I got upset and slacked even more.    My energy level has deminished this few months, yeah I've been exercising but I still have no energy I'm exhausted all the time I literally have to force myself just to get out of bed to do anything.  I just want to sleep all day!  I wonder if it is just a lack of sleep, if its caught up with me, but then I wonder is there something wrong with me?  Seriously?  There is no way someone can feel this kind of exhaustion and weakness and not have something wrong with them!  Okay it sounds like I am having an pity party and getting ahead of myself, but I'm not so please bear with me..  So today I made an appointment, I will get checked tomorrow, I am going to find out what the hell is wrong with me and start working to fix it and get some damn energy!

With the way that I am feeling I feel like I am failing as a parent, seriously I do!  Don't be mistaken I am taking care of my kids, I feed them, I bath them and they are well cared for but there is so much more that I can do for them.  I could play with them, do activities with them.  We can learn new things and take trips places.  But right now, these things are not happening.  I do have to say that to me a child doesn't need to be occupied by thier parent all the time, they do need to be able to entertain themselfs and play with thier toys and thier siblings without thinking that thier parent should be there playing with them constantly.  But sadly I don't do much with them right now because my energy levels are so low, I'm lucky that I even exercise once a day.  But I don't want to be like that anymore! Its time to take action! and that is what I am doing.  I have an almost 5 year old that needs to learn new things before entering kindergarten in the fall and while she has learned things in preschool I want to teach her more!  I have a 2 year old that needs to be potty trained and weened from her pacifier and taught new things.  I have an infant that while theres not much more we can do right now, she will be ready to start learning things eventually. And well I have a 7 year old that I just need to spend more time with in general.  Our relationship is slacking (thats a whole other post in itself!).  I have a house that constantly needs to be straightened up and laundry that constantly needs to be done.  Breakfasts, lunches, and dinners that need to be made.  And while all this does get done, some of it takes a while for me to get it done.  Because I am so tired I spend most of my day lying around, this just can't be normal thing... Can it?
Since I spent a few days in the hospital with Carly I was broken from my somewhat routine (which I really didn't have one), So today I get back into the swing of things,  I slacked on eating right in the hospital but then again I was more concerned about Carly then loosing weight.  Today I start back.  Time to begin exercising again so obviously I just added 3 more days onto the end of my 12 weeks transformation (which I don't mind).  But again I have no energy... I didn't sleep much in the hospital because Carly didn't sleep much. So I have to try to catch up on that as well.  :)

Have an Oh So Wonderful Day!
Catrina

This is what my life consists of right now!

So today I woke up... Tired as always.  Still not feeling well, exhausted still going strong.  Disappointment filling my head.  I have for a better lack of words been completely slacking this week, I have been for the most part staying under my calories for the day but for some reason no more weight is coming off.  The fact of the matter is this morning the scale actually went up, to which I am confused about because I exercised yesterday, I stayed under my calories yesterday (or so I thought) and yet this morning the scale went up  1.4lbs.  Of course I am not happy about this what so ever!  I wish I knew the culprit so I could eliminate it but I think the problem lies in me.   For some reason, although I am still sick (2 weeks later) I have been hungry this week.  Is it because of the few calories I have been subjecting myself for the past month that its finally catching up to me and my body is wanting more calories?  I almost believe that is what it is....I would have figured by now that my body would be use to this type of eating, but I guess not.... I guess I must push myself a little harder. Stop slacking so much and make sure that I stick to it more.  I am disappointed today but I know that its all about will power and I have come this far, I know that I can push myself even farther.  Although a nice wonderful full 8 hours of sleep might help, but having 4 children I just don't see that in my future cards....
This week has been full of doctors appointments, and sick children.  Brooke has Pneumonia, but she is doing better already, the fever is down and she is feeling better.   And with all the doctors appointments my focus has not been on dieting and exercise, its been on my mind but on the back of my mind.  I have made sure I exercise daily still, even when I really really dont want to do I have stuck with it.
I have been getting on my families nerves with all the talk about exercising and dieting.  But when you are trying to focus to hard on loosing the weight (especially when you are struggling a bit) its really the only thing I want to talk about right now.  So I am sorry if you are getting tired of these post but other then caring for sick children, being exhausted and doctors appointments, this is all my life consists of right now.... boring right? 
I hope you all are having better luck with your weight loss and such....

Have and Oh So Wonderful Day!
Catrina

MMM Yummy!

So last night My auntie (bless her heart) took my 3 older childrens (yes I purposely wrote childrens) so that they could play with their cousin for the day.  So the Hubby and I decided to do something since we only had baby girl. We didn't make it to bowling on time so we decided to go out to dinner, and do our Valentines day dinner early. Which we realized is the same place we went to for V-day last year.  We may make that our new tradition because well they have very good food!  Its kinda a fancy restaurant (which by the way neither of us were dressed up enough for) and we had an infant with us, probably two things that you shouldn't do at a fancy restaurant, But we did.  Carly did extremely well! We actually got commented on how well she was behaving for being an infant in a fancy restaurant.  The only time she actually got upset and started crying a little was when we were about to leave (2 hours after arriving, ps there was a 1 hour wait for a stinking table because of the busy weekend).  We had many people walking by  Carly as she layed in her car seat next to my chair (out of the way) and everyone made it a point to glance and see if she was sleeping or something because she was being so good.  The matradee actually asked how old she was as we were getting ready to leave because he was so surprised at how well she did!

Yep we had a very good evening even with an infant with us.  I did stray away from my diet last night, sorry I wanted to eat some yummy ass food. and guess what?  I didn't gain a pound!  I'm so glad.  Like I told the hubby I think 1 day a month no matter how well you are doing in dieting, you deserve at least one day to eat what you want or at least one meal to eat what ever floats your boat.  I may do this for every 10lbs I loose maybe that will be my reward :)  I told the hubby that my next 10lbs, we're going to the Cold Stone Creamery I want some damn good ice cream!  Or maybe we will go to one of the chocolate cafes that we seen on the GPS last night!  Or maybe a place that sells really good cupcakes!  I'll figure that out later.
All I know is that even when your dieting you need to indulge sometimes.

Have an Oh So Wonderful Day!
Catrina

No fun exercising while sick :(

A lot of people who get sick decide to stop exercising when they are sick, and OMG I don't blame them one bit because them me say that trying to exercise while you are sick and weak just sucks!  But I thought maybe if I continued I would sweat this out of me faster.  But no luck I am still sick and I don't really feel like it will end soon.  But I'm am sadden to say that today I just couldn't finish my fit yummy mummy exercises.  I wanted to but just doing the first two sets of the superset B took just way to much out of me and I gave up after 10 minutes.  I feel defeated but at the same time I am slightly okay with this because today is the first day in 6 weeks that I did not finish them, today is the first day in 6 weeks were I deviated from the program.  I'm proud of myself for not stopping while being sick but sometimes you just have to say to yourself, today is the day you will take it easy, don't over do it and don't push yourself to the extreme if you can't handle it.  I have children to care for, what if I would have continued on even though my body was telling me it had enough?  I might have passed out and then what?  The oldest child at home right now is my 4 year old and I know she would not know what to do.  If Devin was home I know that things might be okay because she knows my phone number and knows how to dial 911.  So yes I decided that I would not be pushing myself today that I would do what I could and that would be all.  I just hope that this cold goes away soon, so that I can continue on exercising with out this feeling of collapsing. 
I'm in the process of teaching Brooke what to do if something ever happens to me, but when she doesn't quite remember everything its difficult. 

I just had to share, I felt a bit defeat that I couldn't finish my exercises but now that I shared with all of you I feel better.  :)

Have an Oh So Wonderful Day!
Catrina

Determination!

I've been asked lately (from Blair over at Heir to Blair & from other folks) how do I keep up the exercising and eating right when I'm not seeing results and I am getting frustrated.  In the past if I wasn't seeing any results I would just give up, because what's the point in exercising and eating right if its not doing me any good anyways, right?  Well I have been seeing some results, or was being told that other people could see the difference.  But I couldn't probably because of the deluded image I had of myself.  You know the image its the image they talk about anorexics having.  The image that now matter how you look you always think you look like a fat walrus.  Yep that has been my image of myself, and to be honest with you even back when I was in high school and weighed 136lbs, when I would look in a mirror I seen a fat ass.  It wasn't until I started having children that I realized that I wasn't fat after all.  But let me set things straight real quick I have never been anorexic, I just could never shove my finger down my throat, personally I hate vomiting so the fear of vomiting is what kept me from doing it, this were I would laugh but really anorexia is no laughing matter.
Anyways back to the point of this post.  How I keep at it when I want so badly to give up.  
First off I have found that you have to find an exercise that you enjoy doing.  Mine is The Fit Yummy Mummy  Transformation Kit.  Its a program that I have found that really gives me a good work out and its one I don't dread doing everyday, and for a busy parent (which I am normally not) it is only 15 minutes, so its really easy to usually find the time to get in a quick exercise.  I begin getting results right away.  While for me the actually weight loss was disappointing, started seeing the inches come off immediately.  And with it only being a 15 minute program it can really kick your ass in those 15 minutes!  So that's the first step you need to take, find an exercise routine that you can enjoy doing and not dread.
The next step I finally realized is you HAVE to watch what your eating, I kinda ignored this step in the first few weeks thinking that it wouldn't be a big deal if I still ate some of the things I wanted to eat.  But then I was brought to the realization that if I actually expected to loose any weight and feel better I need to start watching what I ate, I had noticed that a lot of my facebook pals were using a website called  Myfitnesspal.com, so I checked it out and found it to be a great way for me to track my calories and exercise daily (it even has a way to track you water intake as well!).  Most of the things that I eat are already in the database so I don't have to completely watch everything, but there are some meals that I do have to calculate everything out myself and just add to the database for later use.  I defiantly watch my calories like a hawk now.  Even when shopping that is the first thing I do is check how many calories are in the products I am buying. I also tend to actually eat the servings size instead of over eating.  The one thing that I do kinda find upsetting is that I can't eat the candy and cakes and such that I use to eat, because have you ever looked at the calories in that stuff?  Holy crap, that stuff really is bad for you! (but it taste oh so good).  I have just recently started searching for lower calorie sweats because I'm sorry you can't completely cut out sweats I think it will make you go into a deep depression, I have found that Breyers makes some really yummy ice cream bars that are only 130 calories, oh and did you know that Klondike makes 100 calorie ice creams? 
I think when I started watching what I was eating and staying within my calorie range it really started to help out with the actually weight loss. 
Another thing... Having support is great!  Some one who can tell you when you are doing a great job and to push you to exercise when you don't really want to.  That is all great if you have some one to do this for you.  which by the way on myfitnesspal.com you can be friends with other who are on the same journey as you and they can be great support as well.  Anywho, if you have some one to help support you that is awesome, but sometime that support isn't always there when you need it and for me I realized that the only one that can really push you into doing the things you need to do and to help you through this process is yourself!  You have to hold yourself accountable!
So when I am feeling depressed or discouraged it actually makes me more determined to push myself harder to reach the goals that I want to reach.  As I like to call it discouraged but determined, yep its my new phrase.  Don't ask me why but it is, because when ever I am beginning to feel discourage like I am never going to loose the weight like I am destined to be a fat ass the rest of my life, I get more determined to prevent myself from being a fat ass the rest of my life.   The same goes for when your not feeling good.  While you'll want to just sit back and relax and not exercise just remember that you can sweat the germs out, (okay it may not work but if you think that way maybe you will feel better faster).   If you take a day away from exercising because your sick then you may take another and another and eventually your not gonna want to get back into exercising because you have gotten to use to not doing it.  So you have to push yourself!  But in the same sense don't over push yourself, if you begin feeling extra weak or like you may pass out take a break, drink some water and get some of your strength back, or only do half of your exercises for the day because half is better then nothing. 
I hope this has been some what informative and I am able to help you motivate yourself to keep it up. Because the only way to get the body you want is to work at it, there is no magic pill (trust me I've tried A LOT of them, and even with those you have to exercise and eat right). 

Have an Oh So Wonderful Day!
Catrina

I think I strayed away...

Pre-warning the follow was written in advanced and may no longer be accurate at this time. We apologize in advanced if you feel deceived.   Haha, naw I wrote this yesterday (Sunday) because instead of napping while my children nap I am sitting here all sweating after exercising afraid to get up at the moment because with being sick and weak comes even more weakness when you are exercising and sweating while sick. 
I know, I know I probably should get my sweaty stinky arse in the shower but while doing said exercises the room got a bit hazy so I thought to myself that getting into a hot shower right away when feeling this was is probably not the best choice on my part.  Even more so because right now its just me and babies and I don't think either of them are going to get up and call 911 or wake me up if my arse is passed out on the bathroom floor.  So I sit here and write to you my fellow readers and writers.  I thought with all the sweating that I have been doing lately that this cold (or whatever the hell it is) would be gone by now, but I guess I was mistaken.
I did a little photo shoot with Carly yesterday (Saturday), I wanted to get some 6 month pictures of her, maybe I will share them with you at a later time.  Can you believe that Carly is going to be 6 months old?  I know they grow so fast don't they?  I did get a few good pictures and I edited them and I even got a cute one of Brooke for her 5 year photo, omg she is going to be 5 this year!  Wooh time flies!  I'm in shocked that my kids are already this old. 
To think that this fall I will have 2 children in school!  That's just crazy!  Why can't they be babies forever?  Maybe that is why my mom is getting mad at me because I yet to potty train Kara and The Hubby is mad at me because I haven't taken her Binkie away.  Yep that is most defiantly probably why.  Devin grew up way to fast and while its fun to see the little baby milestones happen early I don't think I am quite ready for my babies to not be babies.  But don't you fear I am working on getting Kara potty trained but lets put it this way, she doesn't want to be so its taking some time.  She gets mad when I put her in underwear, once she is in them she is fine and she will pee in the toilet if you stay on her but even if you are on her little butt constantly she still ends up peeing in her underwear.  For example just the other day I had her in her underpants and she was doing really well peeing in the baby potty.  So we decided to watch some devil television in my room, I kept asking if she had to pee and she kept saying no.  I told her, you make sure tell mommy if you got to pee because I don't want you to pee on my bed and the next thing I know my leg felt hot and wet.... Can you guess what happen?  Yeah she pissed on my bed!  I almost wonder if getting rid of the binkie would be easier then potty training her.  I guess that's what I get for having 2 kids that were a little easier to train now I have to have the tough one.
Well I think its safe to take my shower now....

Have an Oh So Wonderful Day!
Catrina

Ohhh (in a singing voice)

I've got a Lovely Bunch of Coconuts.... Deedaleedee...
I have no stinking clue why but I have been singing this song all day. I am starting to feel better, I think that with all the sweating I have been doing the last few days I think helped to sweat out what ever it is that I've got. Today was suppose to be my day off of exercising but I chose not to exercise yesterday because of was feeling so aweful I chose to rest yesterday and exercise today, after exercising today I felt even more better then I did before I exercised. I am still sick I still feel it but I don't feel as aweful as I did and my throat is starting to feel better already as well.
I think I've also starting singing like this because I am feeling good about my weight right now. My pants are starting to get loose on my and I am starting to see what my mom was saying... She told me last week that I am starting to get and hour glass figure and I seen that today! I was very happy to see that, it definatly made me feel good about myself.
So I continue to sing...

I'VE GOT A LOVELY BUNCH OF COCONUTS.... DEEDALEEDEE (okay not to mention the fact that the kids think its funny when I sing this song it makes them laugh and there is nothing better then a childs laughter!)

Have an Oh So Wonderful Night!
Catrina