Do I do it or not??

(bites lip) Did you know I'm a tattooed Mama?  No I'm not embarrassed about it but I am having a mental argument with myself right now....

I got my first tattoo when I was 18, my mom hated tattoo's and told me there was no way I could get one until I turned 18 (legal age to get one without parental consent).  Well I turned 18 saved up my money and got my damn tattoo!  That'll show her, who's boss right?  It was a tiger butterfly, a butterfly with the face of a tiger inside, but mine is a blue eyed tiger ;)   I love my tattoo always have, in fact to me depending on what type of tats you got to me they are art and your body the canvas.

Just 2 days later I got another tattoo, not the smartest decision I ever made, in fact one of the stupidest decisions I ever made!  I had gotten the initials of my (at the time) fiance, on my chest.  I know stupid, right? Well after my son passed away and we broke up I immediately covered up the tattoo with my sons name.  Its a cross with a rose and a banner with his name, even if I wasn't covering up a tattoo I still would have gotten it in the same spot over my heart because that is were he is (in my heart). 

Well the Hubby HATES tattoo's. We've had the discussion many times and his opinion has always been the same.  Actually when I got my tongue pierced it was because I had a craving for a tattoo and the hubby did not want me to get it, so I told him either a tat or my tongue.  Well duh, he hates tat's so guess what I got!

Well from the moment we started dating he knew I wanted to get our children's name's tattooed on me, that's just the way I am.  Well while searching pinterest I found a beautiful idea...

A white Tattoo

Ain't that so cute! I love it! So I have begun thinking I want to get our girls names tattooed on me.  I want a white tattoo on my wrist.  I'm not yet sure how I want it yet.  I was thinking a list of their names going down my wrist, but my mom was thinking it would be cute if I did it like a bracelet with hearts or stars separating their names.  Which I think that sounds nice.  The biggest problem that is accuring for me is that I REALLY want to get this tattoo but again like I said the Hubby doesn't want me to (although he says if I really want to he won't stop me but he would prefer me not to).  He'll make fun of me for getting it I know he will, he will tell me it looks stupid or whatever (jokingly of course) but do I get it and deal with the ridicule or don't get it and possibly regret not getting it? 

What do you think?  Of course by the time you read this maybe I'll have already gotten it? Maybe, Maybe not.... hehe

But I still want your opinions, what would you do in this situation?

Have an Oh So Wonderful Day!

Catrina

Do I have to?!

This won't be a long post, as I am just way to tired to think to clearly at this moment in time...  A storm is brewing over head and the movie 2012 is playing on the television.  My eye lids are getting weaker, but I just feel I owe you all a post as to not leave you hanging so long...

We found another home to look and I really like this house (or at least the pictures of it) and I can't wait till we go look at it.  As long as things are good I think this may be the one and I am so excited about that!  Its perfect.  The colors in the house are already great and I don't think there will be much painting going on, because the living room, family room, kitchen and dining room are all painted so beautifully already!! I hope it looks as good in person as the pictures show!

I was looking at a few sales adds today at my grandmas house, because for some reason we dont get any of the good ones at our house (either that or I'm not looking good enough).  But I found so many things I like for the new house once we get it (if we get it).  I was also looking at some magizines today, I am so getting tired of looking at magizines right now.  My grandma got me a subscription to redbook and to parents magizine and I have held on to most of them, right now you are probably thinking omg shes a hoarder.  I guess in a way I kinda sorta am.  I don't keep them forever.  I go through my magizines, rip out any good articles that I think I may want to read later or products I really want to try and I save those instead of the entire magazine.  Well its been a while since I have done this so I have a HUGE stack of magazines to go through right now and I am pretty much getting bored and tired of doing so.  Oh and not to worry those that are crunchy because I know magazines kill so many trees I am recycling all my magazines along with any unused avon books and such. 

Well that is my quick little post

Have an Oh So Wonderful Night!
Catrina

11 years Ago....

"The Day You Slipped Away... Was The Day I Found It Won't Be The Same!"

At this point in my mind truer words were never spoken.  You know they say that time heals all wounds but there are just some wound that can not be healed.  No matter how hard you try they remain open.  Sometimes its gets easier yes but it never goes away, the pain still remains no matter what.  I've lost apart of myself, a hole still remains there til this day and always will.

I went to the cemetery today as I do every year.  To tell him I Miss him, Love him and wish him a Happy Birthday!

I don't know if he was there or if he was listening but as I spoke to him the clouds opened up and the sun shown down on my being.  Maybe this was a sign, maybe this was just coincidence, but it happened.

This plaque is all I have left of my son.  The top one is my baby boys plaque. 

This is my sweet baby boy Zachary Tyler Born Still at 35 1/2 weeks at 1:05pm weighing  5lbs 13oz and 19 1/2in long.  He is the most precious thing!  He would have been 11 years old today, if he were here today he would soon be entering middle school,  I think about the what ifs a lot .  Because what if he were still here what would life be like? 

Happy Birthday Zachary Tyler I Love You and Miss You!!!

Have an Oh So Peaceful Night!
Catrina

Finding the right words....

Its getting closer and closer and I just don't know how to feel right now.  I know that my family is feeling my stress and I don't mean to be this way but thats what happens as "the Day" draws closer.  I become moody and stressed and depressed and even when I am not feeling the pain I am, do you understand what I'm saying?  I hope you do, because I don't exactly know how to describe it.  Its like I'm a shell,  I'm here, I'm living life, smiling, joking and whatnot,  But my heart is breaking inside, the pain is just wrenching my heart, ripping it apart.  This year Zachary's Birthday falls on Father's day.  Now I know Father's day is not my day to celebrate, its to celebrate Father's and while yes I am the one who left Zachary's father I am not a cold heartless bitch I do feel badly that his sons birthday/death falls on the day he is suppose to celebrate being a father.  The first year that this happen I wrote him a letter just letting him know I understand how painful it may be for him but I would be there for him on that day.  I never heard anything back, and didn't think I would because I know all the hatred he has for me.  But I wanted him to know that he was not alone on that day.  This year I thought about sending him a facebook message, but this year I am not quite sure what to say to him.  I don't know about him but Fathers day is a hard day for me (as I am sure it is for him as well) because it was the day we were told that our son had died.  Thats when my heart broke, thats when my whole world crashed down as I wondered what I did wrong, how could this have happened and why was it happening to us.  So for me Fathers day is just as hard as his birthday.  But again I feel aweful, I want to say something but I just don't know the right words. What can I say that won't hurt him worse? What can I say to not make him hate me even worse? Do I even attempt to say something to him or just let it go?  I'm just so conflicted right now and am not sure what to do.....


Have an Oh So Wonderful Day!
Catrina

Slipped Away....

This is about what I am feeling right now as the "that day" draws closer.... I don't even know how to explain my feelings right now. This month is always a hard time for me, but that fact that its on Fathers day this year makes it that much worse, because that was the day we were told the news that was the day that the doctors look us in the eyes and told us our son was gone!  So to have his birthday on this day, makes it that much harder! 

"Slipped Away"  By Avril Lavigne




Na na, na na na, na na

I miss you, miss you so bad

I don't forget you, oh it's so sad

I hope you can hear me

I remember it clearly



The day you slipped away

Was the day I found it won't be the same

Oh



Na na na na na na na



I didn't get around to kiss you

Goodbye on the hand

I wish that I could see you again

I know that I can't



Oh

I hope you can hear me cause I remember it clearly



The day you slipped away

Was the day I found it won't be the same

Oh



I had my wake up

Won't you wake up

I keep asking why

And I can't take it

It wasn't fake

It happened, you passed by



Now you are gone, now you are gone

There you go, there you go

Somewhere I can't bring you back

Now you are gone, now you are gone

There you go, there you go,

Somewhere you're not coming back



The day you slipped away

Was the day I found it won't be the same no..

The day you slipped away

Was the day that I found it won't be the same oh...



Na na, na na na, na na

I miss you
 
Have an Oh So Wonderful Night!
Catrina

From my phone..

Let's see how well I do at this post as I am typing it on my phone! Don't you just live technology? I do! (most of the time). I have not been on my computer much lately mainly because I can do so much from my phone now and if I have unlimited data plan and I'm paying for it them I'm gonna use it!! You would figure I would prefer to use the computer but I have gotten so use to the portability of my phone! It's hard to go from one to another, when I pos on my blog I normally do it from my computer but today I am being lazy and just don't want to get it out. I'm tired/exhausted confused and irritated, upset and did I mention tired? Yes defiantly tired!
The kids are out of school and boy did we start the summer vacation off with a bang? We've been almost constantly arguing with my almost 8 year old daughter. For some reason the last day of school she came home with a massive attitude and has been back talking and argumentative ever since, not quite sure were it came from either. Them to make it so much better she has decided on a daily basis to ask me to take her to he beach, one most of the days have not been that warm and two I'm not taking for children to the beach by myself during the summer!
Oh and as lovely as that has all been my two year olds sleep schedule is all jacked up (she was up a 3 am the other day and ready to begin the day!) I have no clue how it got so messed up maybe it's because she refuses to nap most days! The 5 year old is whining even more then normal but that's probably because her older sister is annoying the he'll out of her and anyone who gets in her path!! Wow I guess that just leaves the baby huh? Yeah she hasn't been to bad to deal with.
As you can see I've been having a rough time, just letting the stress of parenthood get to me I guess, I'll get through it but sometimes I just want to lock myself in my room and block it all out! Don't you? There's not shame in saying it gets to you, there's also no shame in saying that your kids aggregate you because I don't care what people say nobody's kids are perfect life is stressful and there is no way. Your family is always 100% happy and perfect and if you think that way then you are in complete denial!! I hate to say it like that but I have seen people complain on Facebook and such saying they hate seeing people complain about there kids but if you think about it, one I love my kids to death, but they are my life and my job if you can go on Facebook and twitter and complain about your job I can complain about my job!! Right?? Exactly!! So shut your pie hole!!

Have an Oh So Wonderful Day!!
Catrina

I just need to close my eyes, just for a second...

I know, I know I haven't posted in a while and I didn't do a Sucking it in Saturday post either.  No Excuses right?  Well I will still give you my reasons as I am sure you may be wondering what the heck is going on (unless you could really give a shit less then I will still tell you- so there!) 
One this weekend was a somewhat busy weekend for us, although 2 out of the 4 children were not  home this weekend, We had a birthday party to go to, the Hubs and I went to the casino (it felt great to have a night just the two of us).  And then of course we had to pick up the kids as well. 
Well we did not get the house, its a bummer I know and I think right now we are at a crossroads at what to do because there are tons of houses out there that are for sale but the only problem is they are far from our price range or have the quilities we are looking for... so I am not exactly sure what we are doing at this point. 
I have not been exercising nor have I been eating right, I know bad me!  Obviously my goal will not be reached by my 30th.  I'm also not sure were I will go from here.  I do want to loose more weight that is for sure but at the point in time when I look in the mirror (with clothes)I like what I see, I'm not thrilled with it but I am happy.  Now standing in front of a mirror naked is a total other story I hated it, I fear it, I could probably cry if I did it long enough.  But I think at this point with my confort level I think SIIS will be put on hold I am happy and excited and proud of myself for loosing the first 20lbs!  I am working on other aspects of my looks right now as well.  My teeth are a mess, (not as bad as you may think) but I am whitening them so that my two front teeth can have crowns placed.  I need to make a doctors appointment to find out why in the world I still have no energy and why I am so tired all the time but I have been to tired to make the appointment.  I have been taking over the counter iron pills and B12 and still they have had no affect on me.  I hope we figure something out soon because I can barely function like this and I would like to have the energy to begin exercising again.
Schools out for Summer! This is a good thing and a not so good thing.  Good thing I don't have to get up early as hell every morning to get Devin off to school, and hurry home every day to pick her up from the bus stop, not so good news.... the kids still get up early as hell!  I know have 4 kids to deal with during the day which would be fine if my almost 8 year old didn't have such a horrible attitude lately ( I pray she is not starting puberty early!), and now if I go any where I have to take all of them with me.  But we will get through this as we do every summer, but this will be my first summer with 4 in tow. 
Well that is all for now, I hope to update a little more this week but no promises. 

Have an Oh So Wonderful Day!
Catrina

2011 Golden Douche Bag Award...

I'm not going to be nice here, but then again if I was trying to be nice then I wouldn't be giving out this award would I? 
Lets first be clear, drinking is fine (in moderation) but when you are drinking so much to the point were you think you have to hide your alcohol, then you've problems!  Being on the computer is fine, playing games are fine but when you let your computer life take over your real life then you've got problems!  And when you let your alcohol and computer life come first before your child and her mother then you have major problems!!

Last November I gave away the very first Douche Bag Award you can see that here.  This years award goes to a man (or more like a boy) who puts his computer and alcohol before his girlfreind and thier child.  This man has been given many chances to change his life style, and many of us had high hopes for him when their first child was born 4 months ago.  But sadly he did not change only getting worse a neglecting not only his relationship but also his child.  He's gone as far as to refuse to let his girlfreind use the car to go to the store to get formula and while she walked there, he was suppose to be watching the baby.  He left the baby at home by herself in her crib with the door unlocked so that he could go to a freinds house to get drunk!! What kind of father does that??  He wouldn't allow his girlfreind to use the car and used the money that was suppose to go to her cellular phone bill to buy alcohol.  Leaving her and thier child at home with no car and no phone in case of emergencies. She finally had enough, it was time to leave.  You would figure someone would who is about to loose their family would fight a little more for his family.  But he did not put up any kind of fight at all!
The final day of thier departure (when they got all of thier things out of the home) He came home (after he said he would not, so that they could get the rest of thier things out),  He tried so hard to upset his ex, tried to keep her from getting her things out of his car, not because he thought she was going to take any thing of his but because instead of worring about loosing his child he went out and bought alcohol  to get drunk and borrowed a freinds computer, so he would not miss anything on with his computer life!  When he came home not once did he acknowledge that his child was there.  He only acknowledged her after her mother mentioned that he ignored her since he got home, and only then did he care to give her any type of attention.  Thankfully the child is to young to know what is going on.  I hate to see things like this happen to a family, but in the long run it will be better for mother and child. 
So yes the 2011 Douche Bag Award goes to the dead beat father who could give a shit less about his child and would prefer to spend all his time with the computer and alcohol!

The Golden Douche Bag Award! 

Congratulations Your a Golden Douche!!

Have an Oh So Wonderful Day!
Catrina

No More Excuses!!

I'm full of excuses, and you know what my main excuse is? I'm exhausted, I have no energy, I'm on my period, I'm sick, my knee hurts.  You know what?  I am getting sick and tired of excuses.  Today I intended on exercising, I really did!  I put my exercise clothes on early this morning and I stayed out of my room, even though I soo wanted to take a nap I did not!  I got up put clothes away, and then began helping my mom clean the house.  I straightened up bed rooms, cleaned the bathroom, did a few loads of laundry and yet I still didn't exercise.  I kept telling myself I'll get to it but I have a few more things to do first.  Then I needed to print pictures, you know because now we dont get them professionally done so I had to print out our new family picture and the pictures of the four girlies together.  Then the Easter candy "called to me",  "eat me" it said "you know you want some chocolate, oh and how about you finish the ice cream you got from the cold stone creamery the other day?" So I did, I induldge I ate the things I shouldn't be eating.  I ate the things that cause weight gain.  The things that while dieting are forbidden foods.  You know what though?  I enjoyed every minute of it!  And of course felt total guilt afterwards (not to mention a belly ache, and no I didn't eat it all at once! haha)
I was looking in the mirror today wearing my exercise gear and my Navy sweater, I wasn't upset with what I had seen but I was upset with the fact that I let myself get full of excuses.  I've been stuck at the same weight for a while now and I have a goal to reach, obviously making all these excuses aren't helping me reach my goal! 
I know I have the will power in me to do this, I know I can do this I made it this far, and only I can help myself make it to the end!  No one can keep you from reaching your goals and dreams except for you!  There is no one stopping me from reaching my goals and dreams except for myself!  So from now on there are no more excuses! I am done with excuses!  So tomorrow is another new beginning of sorts!  I can't wait still I reach my goals and well I am done waiting...

Its on life Donkey Kong!

Have an Oh So Wonderful Night!
Catrina

Off Day...

Can I be honest about something? You're probably thinking yes, and this better be good.  Sorry I really don't think it is.  I hate to disappoint you my readers, my loyal readers.  I emailed the a lady over at Nutrisystem to joing thier national blogging group.  I thought I was doing pretty good, I know I don't have tons of followers but I know that there are people that read my blog that don't publically follow it either. Same for my twitter account and My Oh So Boring Life's facebook page as well.  Sadly, for me more then for you all.  I don't quilify quite yet.  I haven't reach that status in the blogging world yet were.  You know that status that a lot of us strive for?  To be know all over the net, to be like MckMama or Blair.  I don't think I will ever reach thier status's but I guess I will continue to strive for it and hopefully soon enough will at least have enough followers to be able to be apart of the national blogging group (I'm sure its called something else but I can't remember at the moment).
I know its kinda stupid to be upset about it but I don't maybe yesterday was just an off day for me.  No not maybe, yeah it was an off day.  I did my exercises and some cleaning but I was lazy most of the day.  I just been super tired and cranky today.  Not to mention my children decided to be a pain and not eat all thier dinner, I didn't give them very big portions so I know it wasn't to much for them.  So instead of giving broken threats of disapline I sent them to bed at 6:30pm.  Yeah I know super early, but I just couldn't take it anymore.  I was so irritated I couldn't help it.  I guess yesterday was just an off day.

I just hope today is a better day then yesterday....

Have an Oh So Wonderful Day!
Catrina

I just propositioned my husband for an iphone!

Yeah you read it right!  I want the new iPhone for Verizon and EVERYONE around me is getting one.  I want one!  I may cry (no not really).  But the Hubby told me to get a job, so I told him fine stay home with the kids, to which he tells me I need to find a way to come up with $200.  So I told him I would have relations with him if he would give me $200!  Ha ha I know sick, but I really want an iPhone!

Not to long ago as the Hubby and I sat on the couch watching the devil tv with our family and neighbor... The neighbor asked... "Do you two every fight?"  I almost, nope I defiantly laughed at the question.  Of course we fight, just ask my mom she's witnessed a few of our fights.  But at the same time they aren't really fights they are mostly just arguments. We exchange words back and forth, rarely raising our voices, only to either solve the matter right then or be mad at each other for a few hours until we both decide to no longer be mad.
I'll admit (and come on ladies you can admit it too) I overreact occasion.  I rarely admit to it at the time, or I will admit it once the matter has been solve. 
Our marriage is not perfect and really I don't know why the neighbor would believe that it was.  We will never fight in front of other people (at least others that are not apart of the family).  Of course for a while we were in a bind, things were not well between us.  Mainly because the Hubby was unhappy at his job and I got the brunt of his anger when he got home, no folks not like that, he just would come home with an attitude and if some one gives me a 'tude I give one right back.  So as you can imagine, that cause many arguments.  But the Hubby got a new even better awesome job, we stopped stressing about money and things just started to calm down.  The arguments became further apart and we began to get along much better. 
Lets be honest money and stress can affect a marriage pretty badly, but you have to learn to work through the problems.  For instance when he would stress about money and wonder why in the world it wasn't affecting me I reminded him that we have a beautiful healthy family and while yes money is an important thing its not the only thing and while we may not be able to live with out it, we will survive and get through whatever life throws at us. And we did, we learned to stop stressing as much about the little things and concentrated more on being a family.  I've also learned that communication is key! I don't lie to my husband, even if I go shopping and buy something I know he might not be to happy about I always end up telling him (within a few hours).  I don't know what it is I just don't feel the need to have any lies between us and really what good would they do us?  No good, because if one of us found out the other was lieing about something, all its going to do is cause a fight (and not a little argument either).  I'm not going to sit here and claim that I have a perfect marriage or if you listen to me and do what I say you will have a perfect marriage all I am trying to say is you have to work at it.  Lieing isn't going to help anything, and fighting wont solve your problems, try to talk it out before the anger gets to bad and if that don't work, (I know it sounds a little high school but) right them a note telling them what is going on and why you are angry or upset.  And don't forget to have a little fun between you, joke around, play wrestle, tickle each other. Act like you did when you were dating.  Some times that's all you need to bring back a little spark and get things started again.

Have an Oh So Wonderful Day!
Catrina

Best Freinds...

Best Friends

are always there to pick you up when you are down..

Celebrate with you when you are jumping for joy..

Can always tell when you are sad
But knows how to make you Happy again
Best Freinds come in many shapes

sizes, colors and species.

and no matter what they are always there to lend a hand....

Have you told your Best Freind lately how much you love them and

appreciate all they have done for you?

Have an Oh So Wonderful Day!

Catrina

The Miracle of Birth....

I've given birth to 5 children and while those experiences alone were all wonderful and amazing in themselves, I never was on the other side of the bed... I was never the one watching the birth happen, I was always the one in pain, the one pushing and watching through a mirror. Today I was able to be the support for someone else. I was the one who helped her through the pain, and made her laugh while she waited for her child to enter the world.

It was an amazing experience! I felt her pain, I knew what she was going through and I could sympathize with her, but I could also help her feel better (the best I could). I watched the screen religiously and as soon as I seen the contraction begin I was right there, massaging the pain away (or at least trying my hardest). It was an amazing experience, to be the spectator cheering a birthing mother on! "You can do this", "Your doing great!"

I don't care what anyone says watching a child being born is the most amazing experience in the world! It sure does give new meaning to the words miracle of birth!
I was so honored that my freind allowed me share in her experience!

Have an Oh So Wonderful Day!
Catrina

the scars still remain

Time heals all wounds but the scars still remain....

How true is that statement? I have been thinking about this a lot lately well not the statement completely but how someone can sit there and expect you to get over certain things or no longer be hurt by them. I guess this can go for many events but the event in particular that I am referring to is a miscarriage or stillbirth of a child. I know that I have never heard of anyone say to someone that has lost a loved one say, I thought you would be over that by now. But I myself have heard the comment more then once. How do I comment on all the rude comments that I have gotten without being rude or mean? I know for me personally I will never "get over it" or "forget". My child has left an imprint on my heart and on my soul! It can never be filled or forgotten!

I don't know if it only comes from people who haven't experienced that type of loss but I think for them to understand how you can never forget something like that they would have to experience a pain like that (and of course I would never wish that on anyone).

I have 4 other children who keep me busy but in my heart and in my mind Zachary is still there, and he always will be. He was my first child, he was the first one I felt tickle my insides, he was the first one that kicked the shit out of me, he was the first one made me experience all those pregnancy and labor symptoms for the first time. How could I ever forget those moments?

10 1/2 years ago I had the most amazing and heartbreaking experience happen to me all in one year. To experience your first pregnancy, you first child growing inside of you, to experience an almost perfect pregnancy, what a grand thing. But then to have it all taken away from you in one day is the most horrific thing I have ever experienced. To hear the words that your baby has passed away, to see on the screen that the once beating heart is no longer beating. I felt in that instant that I could no longer go on living. How could I ? I could I continue my life when my child is not here to continue on with me? I didn't want to believe he was gone, I immediatly asked for a c-section, get him out now we can save him! But that was not the case, it was to late there was nothing they could do, so I sat there crying while they prepped me for labor. I sat there for 15 hours hoping and praying that a miracle would happen and he would be born breathing, but again that was not the case, he would not take his first breaths as almost all babies do when born, there would be no celebration in that birthing room, as there were in the rooms down the hall.

Every year I go to the cemetary, we didn't have a funeral, we don't have a grave (both things I regret), we donated his body to University of Michigan so that we could find out his cause of death, we bought a plague that is at the cemetary, its so impersonal, but its all I have.....

I talk to my son, I tell him how much I am still missing him, and how much I love him, on his milestone birthdays (like 1,5, 10 and so forth) I release a letter and a balloon, I always wish him a happy birthday (although its not a very happy one) then I return to my car and cry.

I don't speak of him all the time but I do speak of him often, although he was only with me for 35 1/2 weeks, he was still with me and I will keep what little memory I have of him alive. My children know about him (or will know about him). I will continue to visit him every year and pray to him every night. His picture is still in my purse (along with his sisters pictures), and I have a box of memory's from my pregnancy that I will always keep.

So to answer the question... No I will never get over his death and no, I refuse to let go.

Have an Oh So Wonderful Night!

Catrina

I don't know...

Are you getting tired of me talking about weight loss and other such topics that are connected to that? I know I am getting tired of writing about it (okay that's a lie).

As with most days I have hit a brain block. I could talk about the horrible shooting in Tucson, Arizona and that its a horrible situation and my heart goes out to those who died and were injured but I don't want to get to far into the subject because then it brings up subject of politics and honestly I don't like discussing politics, because lets face it we all have our beliefs and really is there a point in fighting about politics because neither of us are going to change our thoughts, right?
I could talk about how I'm cold and I hate winter but do you really want to hear me bitch and moan? (doubtful).
I am really at a loss at what to say, because right now the main thing on my mind is about weight loss (maybe because I need to get up and do my exercises for the day and just haven't motivated myself enough just yet, good thing its early still).
There really isn't much to update on the kids because well not much has been going on with them, Devin has been going to school (against her will I might add), I have been working on "teaching" Brooke and Kara. Reviewing their your baby can read videos and books, reviewing their alphabet cards and teaching books. But it is the weekend so just like Devin they get the weekends off of learning. They have been spending time with their cousin who stayed the night with them last night. Its been pretty quite even though I have 5 children in the house ranging from 5 months to 7 years of age. Okay that is a partial lie, right now it is pretty quite because they are all down stairs playing in the toy room but when they are upstairs its pretty stinking noisy. Carly has been pretty quite lately as well (except when you lay her on her tummy, because the kid hates tummy time). Unfortunately for my baby girl ever since she got her shots on Thursday she has been running a low grade fever, which is actually the first time she has ever been remotely sick. There has been a lot of sickness going on through our house in the past few weeks and really I think Carly was the only one who didn't end up sick, which maybe that is why she ended up with a low grade fever, maybe, possibly the shots brought something out that has been lying dormant. I don't know (I'm not a doctor).
But I must leave you all because I am sure I am boring you as well (sorry). I need to get off my arse (and off the computer) and do my exercises, so that I can get on with the day.

Have an Oh So Wonderful Day!
Catrina

Randomnes is my life!

I'm feeling good today, well for the most part except I'm tired (like always) and I had a horrible dream last night that has me all upset now. Does that ever happen to you? You have a bad dream (whatever it may be) and then your whole day is thrown off. Thats me today, Now I'm exhausted because I had trouble falling back to sleep after said dream pissed me off and woke me up.
Thankfully today is my day off from exercising because I just don't have the energy or motivation to do them today. But I do need to go to the grocery store and get some food, I have ran out of things for smoothies and lunch stuff for the kids and we have no milk...(don't worry we just ran out last night, we have formula and things for the baby, but the big kids need stuff as well).
The kiddos do need to watch thier Your Baby Can Read video and review thier cards & Book.. Brooke needs to do her "Homework".
But I am just so darn tired! All of a sudden (now that Devin is home) the house has gotten loud. How is it that if only 1 or 2 are together its quite but you add one more and it gets really loud? They seem to just all of a sudden go straight into fighting. But I guess that is the life when you have 4 girls (such drama queens!).
Carly had her shots yesterday and she is not having a good day today. She is running a little fever and is slightly crabby, she has been sleeping alot today. I hope this does not last for to long, this is the first time since she was born that she hasn't even been slightly sick (other then her acid reflux).
Well I guess that is the Randomness of my day...

Have an Oh So Wonderful Day!
Catrina

Resolve to Succeed!

I'm not a philosopher, I don't have any wise musings for you to read, and I don't know any big fancy words, but I am certainly not stupid. In fact I went to college, yep 5 years got an associates degree (I know that's like the lowest degree you can get). Me and one other close relative were the only 2 to go to college and ironically we both ended up stay at home mothers. I've been reading a lot of post lately about having no resolutions this year or having a resolution to not have a resolution, to just go with the flow because most everything you resolve to do at the beginning of the year you should be doing any ways right?
But to me its like a new beginning a chance to start anew, to fix what you screwed up the previous year (like my many MANY attempts at loosing weight were I horribly failed!) But not this year I am not going to fail this time! I know its a promise you make yourself all the time. But I have finally found an exercise I think I can really stick with! I am making an attempt to eat better and snack way less (if not at all). I've made more then one resolution. Loosing weight is not my only resolution, I also resolve to teach my children more. We got your baby can read for the little ones for Christmas and I intend to teach them to read or at least know their alphabet more. Devin knew a lot before she even started preschool because I pushed her (a little to much in my opinion) so I have slacked a bit with the other children because I didn't want to push them to hard. But I think I have slacked to much. So I want to make sure Brooke knows a bit more before she reaches kindergarten (I have 8 months till then). I think I have slacked even more with Kara, so I guess I am attempting to make up for that as well. This year is my year, to make everything that I have slacked on in the past, right again. No more slacking and no more giving up. I am resolving to keep with all my resolutions this year, to bad they don't have shock collars for that kind of stuff right? That way you can't screw up on your resolution, every time you screw up you should get some kind of jolt or punishment, that way you stick with it and don't feel disappointment at the end of the year and feel like you need to make the same resolution year after year.
I'm going to push myself this year this is going to happen whether I like it or not. I know I'm going to moan and bitch (like I have been for the past two days because I am in pain!), I know I'm going to fall sometimes, but I am going to pick myself back up and get back on it. Your probably wondering why is this year any different from the past who knows how many years? Well honestly... I'm getting tired of feeling sorry for myself I am getting tired of looking in the mirror and hating myself, I'm getting tired of being disgusted with the way I look and its about damn time I do something about it and take action and stick with it. I am not going to rely on other people to push me like I have in the past, because in order for me to achieve the goals I want to achieve the only person I can rely on is myself! The only person that can make me fall and not get back up is myself and the only person that can pick me back up is myself! Its time to be responsible for what I want and to work for what I want because the only way to get what you want is to work for it yourself!
Sure I would love to rely on a miracle pill to do all the work for me, but really lets be honest either they don't exist or you still have to work to achieve the goal you want, they just help you to achieve your goals a little faster (or make you think that).
The other thing I have been trying to stick with is cloth diapering, I already have the cloth diapers that I purchased before Carly was born but for the longest time she was unable to wear them because her butt was just to small, and then I got use to the convenience of disposables (isn't that the way it always is?) Yes they are surely convenient but they are not better for the environment or my wallet! So yes I am still using disposables at night and while we are out and about but while we are home its all about the cloth (good thing we don't go out very often).
Now if I could only learn how to make baby food, but then again I don't want to overwhelm myself with all these changes in the new year because then I am bound to fail. Thats another thing people need to think about, if your not truely ready to change the way things are and you try to change to many things at once then yes you are surely bound to fail as well. Just pick what you are ready to change now and don't beat yourself up if you fall, just pick yourself back up and continue on your path to change. If you think you will fail you are just setting yourself up for failure. Procrastinating gets you no where just continued disappointment....

Have an Oh So Wonderul Day!
Catrina

Feeling a bit Underdimeciated..

Okay so this picture doesn't exactly depict my day but....

If anyone reading this is a stay at home mom (or dad), then you know that your job is never done ! I've admitted before that I am a pretty lazy mom (I'm not proud of that but damn I mention it enough you would think I was proud, believe me I'm not), but taking care of my children is number 1 on my list. Its everything else that gets neglected (ie housework). Since we moved in with my parents, I have slacked on house chores and other such things because my mom does a lot of that stuff. But I am doing more because I realized one I should be helping my mom out because this is her house and sometimes a lot of mess is from my kids, and two eventually we will be moving back into our own home and I will be the only one doing it all. You know a stay at homes mom continues into the night when the bread winner is sleeping peacefully with uninterrupted sleep. I honestly do not remember a time when I slept straight through the night without interruption. So every day I am pretty exhausted, I try to nap when the babies are napping but that does not always happen because sometimes I have housework to do or am trying to get a shower. This is not a post about oh whoa is me. This is actually about the fact that there are times when I feel under appreciated.

People think all I do is sit around all day, that I do nothing. Yeah because the clothes wash, fold and put themselves away. The dishes do the same. The beds make themselves, the bedrooms and bathrooms are cleaned by magic, the kids all feed and change themselves. Devin gets herself up, dressed, ready for school and on the bus. Carly gets her own bottles and changes her own diaper. Kara feeds herself and changes her own diaper as well. Brooke takes care of herself and drives herself to school. In the middle of the night when one of the kids have had a nightmare or are sick and in pain they take care of themselves. I do nothing at all!

Okay so no one said I was that lazy but you know how families are you joke around and some people go a little to far with their jokes. I can take a joke, but I can't stand when people assume I do nothing at all! Even if its just a joke when no one ever tells you that they appreciate you or that they are proud of you for all that you do.

There are some people (who will remain nameless) that think that I sleep in till noon every day! Yeah because that happens all the time! I have 4 children and I sleep in till noon, again some how my children manage to get to school on their own, and take care of themselves. I think that is the thing that irritates me the most.

Okay maybe this post did turn into an oh whoa is me... Sorry bout that!

Have an Oh So Wonderful Night!

Catrina

The Season of Giving...

Today we Celebrate Christmas with one third of our family. Yes we have 3 Christmas Dinners every year! Today we are having Dinner with my dad's side of the family. No presents will be exchanged today because well times are hard and their are 13 kids in the family! So we are just going to spend the holiday today as a family.
This year I have decided as well that I am going to be teaching my children a lesson about the holidays.. Its not all about getting presents. I admit I have some pretty greedy children, the Hubby and I tried to prevent this when they were little but our oldest managed to get spoiled (and believe me we tried our damnedest to prevent it). So this year as a lesson the this holiday season is more about giving then receiving I will have my children take some money out of their spending money boxes and donate it to good cause. I will give them a few choices of causes and let them choose which cause they want to donate to.
They got new coats this year and we will be donating them as well to some children who need warm coats this winter.
I've said it in a previous post but I'll say it again. I use to be all about me I loved getting presents and that's all I cared about. But having children as made me more excited about giving gifts and such things then receiving them. And of course what a great lesson to teach your children right? Their are people out there less fortunate then us and its time for my children to learn how to help those less fortunate then ourselves.
Are you going to be giving this year? If so please feel free to share!

Have an Oh So Wonderful Day!
Catrina

I've been trying to think about what to post today because well I have yet again hit another block. So you'll be enjoying some randomness today...
First off I am so tired! Number 4 woke up at 5am to have a bottle, no big deal she usually does this and then goes back to sleep. Except this morning she chose not to go back to sleep. She fussed and fought so I brought her back into bed with me since Daddy was going to work. I turned on Nick Jr and hoped that she would fall back to sleep or at least watch the tube so I could go back to sleep... Nope she wasn't having anything to do with that, she continued to fuss. I put her back to bed thinking okay maybe she is tired again (this was probably 6-6:30) she screamed and wasn't having it (yet again). So I brought her back to bed with me I layed down and she started screaming yet again! Obviously at this point I was beyond frustrated because I just didn't know what was wrong with her. Thankfully my father her heard screaming and since he was up decided to take her for me so I could get some more rest. She fussed some more for him and finally I told him to go ahead and give her some baby food, I really didn't want her eating her "breakfast" that early but gave him the go ahead. She ate it and stopped fussing (until she realized it was gone) but the screaming finally stopped! Now with all my other kids when we started baby food it was a slow process and they didn't mind that it was a slow process but Carly is not having it she LOVES baby food and wants more! She is not eating rice cereal because she doesn't like it she is on straight stage 1 baby food, (at 4 months old) obviously she is still getting formula though.
Now I know in my "Book" I talked about getting stressed and PPD and while I'm not saying that is what I am going through because well it was just one night of frustration. I can definatly say, that saying don't get to stressed out when baby is screaming, but that is definatly easier said then done when you are exhausted and wanting to go back to bed and baby is screaming in your face! I stayed calm to an extent, yes I got pissed, yes I got frustrated but other then getting mad there wasn't much else I could do. Even if my father hadn't taken her from me I am sure eventually I would have offered her the baby food but when you are super tired, your thought processes are a bit slower then normal.
Can you believe there is only 8 more days till Christmas? I'm getting super excited! I just can't wait to give my family thier gifts! Sure I am excited about the gifts I will get. I am more excited to see the excited on my kids faces when they open thier gifts. Of course though I still have a few items that were purchased online that I am waiting to arrive. Hopefully they get here in time.
I was a bit worried this year that I would not find matching jammies for all the girlies but I had to go for a larger size for Carly so that she could match her sisters. and although this outfit will be huge on her I hope it will still look alright.
I've been thinking alot about the contest and weightloss program that I wrote about in this post, don't forget the deadline to enter is December 31st so get your comment in before then! But anyways I have been thinking alot about it and alot of the reason I chose to wait till the beginning of the year was because well duh the holidays you certainly eat more. But I thought okay now is my time to start to preparing and I have not been doing that at all I have been snacking on unhealthy foods constantly! You know it taste so good but you feel so guilty after devoring half a tube of chocolate chip cookie dough and then 2 handfuls of multigrain pringles! I know it sounds weird but who out there does this? For some reason if I have a sweet snack I feel that I need a salty one after words how strange is that? I believe this may be my down fall once the diet begins. I think I can handle the 15 minutes exercises but its the food intake that is were I am going to fail. Of course having that kind of attitude I am destined to fail right? I know I will try my dammdest once I start but I have low expectations for myself because I always give up on things... Yep I'm one of those people, if the things that I do are not getting the results that I am looking for I stop, instead of continueing until I get the results I am looking for I just giveup! So as long as I see results from the beginning I will do great but if not I know I will give up on myself! I think that should be something else I look to change in the new year, I need to change my expectations for myself and not let myself fail at everything I do. The only thing I feel I can do good at is taking care of my kids and well when I get frustrated I feel like I am failing once again!
Oh geeze look at me now... This post has turned into a feel sorry for me for being a failure. Sorry about that....
I must go clean and other such things, we have company coming over today and I am super excited!

Have an Oh So Wonderful Day!
Catrina