I vow to... Wait didn't I do this already?

I've said it a hundred times... I've started something and I was all excited about it but my energy level was just not there and I slacked and I stopped doing what I was doing and became disappointed in myself.  I had become a slacker and instead of getting motivated to start doing it again, I got upset and slacked even more.    My energy level has deminished this few months, yeah I've been exercising but I still have no energy I'm exhausted all the time I literally have to force myself just to get out of bed to do anything.  I just want to sleep all day!  I wonder if it is just a lack of sleep, if its caught up with me, but then I wonder is there something wrong with me?  Seriously?  There is no way someone can feel this kind of exhaustion and weakness and not have something wrong with them!  Okay it sounds like I am having an pity party and getting ahead of myself, but I'm not so please bear with me..  So today I made an appointment, I will get checked tomorrow, I am going to find out what the hell is wrong with me and start working to fix it and get some damn energy!

With the way that I am feeling I feel like I am failing as a parent, seriously I do!  Don't be mistaken I am taking care of my kids, I feed them, I bath them and they are well cared for but there is so much more that I can do for them.  I could play with them, do activities with them.  We can learn new things and take trips places.  But right now, these things are not happening.  I do have to say that to me a child doesn't need to be occupied by thier parent all the time, they do need to be able to entertain themselfs and play with thier toys and thier siblings without thinking that thier parent should be there playing with them constantly.  But sadly I don't do much with them right now because my energy levels are so low, I'm lucky that I even exercise once a day.  But I don't want to be like that anymore! Its time to take action! and that is what I am doing.  I have an almost 5 year old that needs to learn new things before entering kindergarten in the fall and while she has learned things in preschool I want to teach her more!  I have a 2 year old that needs to be potty trained and weened from her pacifier and taught new things.  I have an infant that while theres not much more we can do right now, she will be ready to start learning things eventually. And well I have a 7 year old that I just need to spend more time with in general.  Our relationship is slacking (thats a whole other post in itself!).  I have a house that constantly needs to be straightened up and laundry that constantly needs to be done.  Breakfasts, lunches, and dinners that need to be made.  And while all this does get done, some of it takes a while for me to get it done.  Because I am so tired I spend most of my day lying around, this just can't be normal thing... Can it?
Since I spent a few days in the hospital with Carly I was broken from my somewhat routine (which I really didn't have one), So today I get back into the swing of things,  I slacked on eating right in the hospital but then again I was more concerned about Carly then loosing weight.  Today I start back.  Time to begin exercising again so obviously I just added 3 more days onto the end of my 12 weeks transformation (which I don't mind).  But again I have no energy... I didn't sleep much in the hospital because Carly didn't sleep much. So I have to try to catch up on that as well.  :)

Have an Oh So Wonderful Day!
Catrina

Yawn....

Sorry its been a few days, there as been a ton of drama going on around here and I am exhausted!  Sleep has not been going to well for me lately, which has caused my sinus infection to continue to linger so I continue to not feel well on top of being sleep deprived.  Good combination right?  My children continue to be sick as well.  Brooke now has croup, the poor child can't stop coughing and there is nothing I can do to help stop the coughing, she needs to cough up the stuff in her lungs.  I think she has the making of an ear infection as well and if that's the case then in the past month all 4 of my children have had ear infections.  Are ear infections contagious?  I wish we there was an instant cure for being sick, wouldn't it be perfect?  It would be nice because then maybe all my children wouldn't be sick and I wouldn't be so damn exhausted and bothering you poor people with how Fing tired I am!  I can go on forever with how tired I am seriously I could!  So as you can see with having sick children there isn't much else going on... We got our taxes done, woo hoo.  I had a decent Valentines day.  The hubby came home and told me I can get an iphone this Friday, so I kinda guess its my Valentines day gift sorta, because he did get me a box of chocolates and a huge bottle of FIGI water, you know the water that is in a square bottle?  Yeah I love that square water!  So that was our Valentines day.  It was pretty eventful, maybe thats not the word, more dramatic then that, but thats a subject I just can't talk about on here.  Sorry I know you really want to know but its just something that I can't tell the public about....

So  I hope I have some better subjects for you later.

Have an Oh So Wonderful Day!
Catrina

I've been trying to think about what to post today because well I have yet again hit another block. So you'll be enjoying some randomness today...
First off I am so tired! Number 4 woke up at 5am to have a bottle, no big deal she usually does this and then goes back to sleep. Except this morning she chose not to go back to sleep. She fussed and fought so I brought her back into bed with me since Daddy was going to work. I turned on Nick Jr and hoped that she would fall back to sleep or at least watch the tube so I could go back to sleep... Nope she wasn't having anything to do with that, she continued to fuss. I put her back to bed thinking okay maybe she is tired again (this was probably 6-6:30) she screamed and wasn't having it (yet again). So I brought her back to bed with me I layed down and she started screaming yet again! Obviously at this point I was beyond frustrated because I just didn't know what was wrong with her. Thankfully my father her heard screaming and since he was up decided to take her for me so I could get some more rest. She fussed some more for him and finally I told him to go ahead and give her some baby food, I really didn't want her eating her "breakfast" that early but gave him the go ahead. She ate it and stopped fussing (until she realized it was gone) but the screaming finally stopped! Now with all my other kids when we started baby food it was a slow process and they didn't mind that it was a slow process but Carly is not having it she LOVES baby food and wants more! She is not eating rice cereal because she doesn't like it she is on straight stage 1 baby food, (at 4 months old) obviously she is still getting formula though.
Now I know in my "Book" I talked about getting stressed and PPD and while I'm not saying that is what I am going through because well it was just one night of frustration. I can definatly say, that saying don't get to stressed out when baby is screaming, but that is definatly easier said then done when you are exhausted and wanting to go back to bed and baby is screaming in your face! I stayed calm to an extent, yes I got pissed, yes I got frustrated but other then getting mad there wasn't much else I could do. Even if my father hadn't taken her from me I am sure eventually I would have offered her the baby food but when you are super tired, your thought processes are a bit slower then normal.
Can you believe there is only 8 more days till Christmas? I'm getting super excited! I just can't wait to give my family thier gifts! Sure I am excited about the gifts I will get. I am more excited to see the excited on my kids faces when they open thier gifts. Of course though I still have a few items that were purchased online that I am waiting to arrive. Hopefully they get here in time.
I was a bit worried this year that I would not find matching jammies for all the girlies but I had to go for a larger size for Carly so that she could match her sisters. and although this outfit will be huge on her I hope it will still look alright.
I've been thinking alot about the contest and weightloss program that I wrote about in this post, don't forget the deadline to enter is December 31st so get your comment in before then! But anyways I have been thinking alot about it and alot of the reason I chose to wait till the beginning of the year was because well duh the holidays you certainly eat more. But I thought okay now is my time to start to preparing and I have not been doing that at all I have been snacking on unhealthy foods constantly! You know it taste so good but you feel so guilty after devoring half a tube of chocolate chip cookie dough and then 2 handfuls of multigrain pringles! I know it sounds weird but who out there does this? For some reason if I have a sweet snack I feel that I need a salty one after words how strange is that? I believe this may be my down fall once the diet begins. I think I can handle the 15 minutes exercises but its the food intake that is were I am going to fail. Of course having that kind of attitude I am destined to fail right? I know I will try my dammdest once I start but I have low expectations for myself because I always give up on things... Yep I'm one of those people, if the things that I do are not getting the results that I am looking for I stop, instead of continueing until I get the results I am looking for I just giveup! So as long as I see results from the beginning I will do great but if not I know I will give up on myself! I think that should be something else I look to change in the new year, I need to change my expectations for myself and not let myself fail at everything I do. The only thing I feel I can do good at is taking care of my kids and well when I get frustrated I feel like I am failing once again!
Oh geeze look at me now... This post has turned into a feel sorry for me for being a failure. Sorry about that....
I must go clean and other such things, we have company coming over today and I am super excited!

Have an Oh So Wonderful Day!
Catrina

Oh I love my bed!

I wrote what I was Thankful for yesterday but you know there is one thing I definatly forgot to add and realized this last night....

I am Thankful for a comfy bed! Last night Devin requested that my our cousin Dimitri stay the night, which we were fine with because well we've never had issues with him staying before. Well for some reason last night once it was time for bed he was very unhappy, calling for his daddy. So we obviously felt badly that is was so upset. But anyways my mom took him down stairs to sit with her for a while and he fell asleep, I put him to bed and he slept for a while. Well about 2:45Am or so I heard some noise and come to find out its Kara and Dimitri at the bedroom door both awake, So I put Kara back in her bed and then begin to put Dimitri back in bed when he starts crying for his daddy again. I cuddled him and tried to make him feel better and once he calmed down I layed him back down and tried to walk out of the room. Well that was not happening he did not want me to leave. So I had to once again put Kara back in her bed and then comfort Dimitri, I got to the point were I just sat next to him on the bed and he was quite, but by then Kara wanted me to hold her, so of course I did. Finally I just broke down ( I was SO tired) and I grabbed one of the pillow pets and Brookies blankey and I layed on the floor and Kara decided to lay with me as well, which really was not a big deal except Kara decided to ask me about every 5-10 minutes "Mama what are you doing?" "trying to sleep Kara now go to sleep" to which she would let out a whine. Finally about 5:45Am I got tired of this and not to mention the fact that my back was hurting so I put Kara in her bed (and she went to sleep thankfully) and I got back into my Oh So Comfy bed!! It felt SO GOOD!!

So there you have it...

Have a Great Day!
Catrina

I'm excited what can I say

Sorry folks I hate to say this but I have no more ideas for my book! So chapters 9 & 10 are put on hold for now... Sorry :(

On another note though. I've admitted probably a hundred times here that I am a lazy mom, I admit it I'm not proud of it (I know it may seem like I am because I say it so much but I'm not). I'm not so lazy to the point were I neglect my kids so don't get the wrong idea about that. I take care of my kids they are my life but other then that I am extremely lazy. Especially when it comes to house work, I've been able to get away with it for a while because my mom is a clean freak and will clean up. I do help out but a lot of times I don't help out enough (at least in my eyes its not enough).

But as far as being a lazy mom goes I've got some motivation. The prospect of possibly finding our forever house! You know what a forever house is don't you? Its that house that you can see spending the rest of your life in!

I don't want to get into the details to much (since that would be letting you in way to much) but we found out that my grandma's neighbor is thinking about putting his house on the market so if we can get the owner to agree with our offer we could have our forever house! Its just a matter of speaking with the owner and seeing if he will go for it. I am so praying he does! So that is my motivation, I have been cleaning more and trying to straighten up, I even cooked a meal I have never cooked before last night because well think about it if we end up moving I have to make sure that I clean and cook all the time again. I've been slacking because my mommy has been taking care of everything, well except cooking we all do that in the house. But if we move I will have to do all if not most of the cooking (since David may cook a meal or two). I am just so excited, which I shouldn't be because I am getting my hopes up and will probably be disappointment in the end. But until we know what is for sure going to happen I am excited and motivated! But I am still exhausted and tired! So I think I will need to start going to bed earlier. Maybe if this happens I will not only have the motivation to stop being so lazy but to exercise and other such things that I want for myself but just don't have the motivation or energy for. I know its a matter of pushing yourself to do things but I just don't have the energy to push myself most of the time. I can't wait to see if we've got some good news in our future :) We'll see....Have a Great Day!

Catrina

All Images are courtesy of Google Images

2:30am - 4:30am are you kidding me? Again!

Apparently #3 (yes I refer to my children as numbers sometimes) thought it would be fun to wake up 2:30 in the morning this morning and not go back to bed till 4:30am, can you say sleep deprivation? She still manages to wake up with a smile. Not me though, I did not necessarily wake up on the wrong side of the bed but I know I was not happy. I'm sure it didn't help that the plow was making tons of noise most of the morning (yeah that was annoying too) and the wind was blowing a lot and the wind chimes were constantly chiming. not to mention #1 wakes up with a UTI so now she has to go to the doctors this afternoon. So yeah now I am sleep deprived and have to take Devin to the doctors, I think I may take a nap while #2 and #3 watch the Fresh Beat Band.
Did I ever mention that sleep deprivation makes me a little CooCoo for Coco puffs? Yeah so this should be and interesting day, I'm sure to get on my moms nerves before the day is over with. I want to go shopping today but I just don't think that will happen today, bummer.
Do you know how cute it is to watch my little blue eyed, brown haired daughter dance? OMG its so cute! Not so much though when she has cereal bar dripping from her lips. (ok its still cute!) Ok well Brooke wants some milk and I want a nap so.....

Catrina