Finding the right words....

Its getting closer and closer and I just don't know how to feel right now.  I know that my family is feeling my stress and I don't mean to be this way but thats what happens as "the Day" draws closer.  I become moody and stressed and depressed and even when I am not feeling the pain I am, do you understand what I'm saying?  I hope you do, because I don't exactly know how to describe it.  Its like I'm a shell,  I'm here, I'm living life, smiling, joking and whatnot,  But my heart is breaking inside, the pain is just wrenching my heart, ripping it apart.  This year Zachary's Birthday falls on Father's day.  Now I know Father's day is not my day to celebrate, its to celebrate Father's and while yes I am the one who left Zachary's father I am not a cold heartless bitch I do feel badly that his sons birthday/death falls on the day he is suppose to celebrate being a father.  The first year that this happen I wrote him a letter just letting him know I understand how painful it may be for him but I would be there for him on that day.  I never heard anything back, and didn't think I would because I know all the hatred he has for me.  But I wanted him to know that he was not alone on that day.  This year I thought about sending him a facebook message, but this year I am not quite sure what to say to him.  I don't know about him but Fathers day is a hard day for me (as I am sure it is for him as well) because it was the day we were told that our son had died.  Thats when my heart broke, thats when my whole world crashed down as I wondered what I did wrong, how could this have happened and why was it happening to us.  So for me Fathers day is just as hard as his birthday.  But again I feel aweful, I want to say something but I just don't know the right words. What can I say that won't hurt him worse? What can I say to not make him hate me even worse? Do I even attempt to say something to him or just let it go?  I'm just so conflicted right now and am not sure what to do.....


Have an Oh So Wonderful Day!
Catrina

Easter Pictures

Easter was good, the children had a blast! 
I took some pictures and wanted to share.  So enjoy!

My little Easter Bunny

Easter 2011

Carlys first Easter

Although I couldn't get her to smile I love this look haha

My 4 beautiful girls!

We wanted to get one of the 4 of them standing showing off thier pretty dresses

Our Family (its hard to get everyone looking and smiling at once)

see told you

Carly playing

My Mom with Dev and Mack

Ha thought I'd throw this in, I was totally rocking the Mrs Cleaver dress!

Have an Oh So Wonderful Day!

Catrina

Happy Valentines Day!

Happy Love day!   Today is the day to celebrate love, but it doesn't have to be about just celebrating with your spouse of significant other it can be about celebrating your love for a family member, a family member that perhaps could really use some love right now.  Because other then saying I love you always and forever there is nothing else that can be said that can fix the horrible thing that this person is going through because on a day that is suppose to be about celebrating love... Her heart is breaking!  My heart is breaking for her.  I feel like there is something I should say, something I should do.  But there is nothing that I can say or do that will fix this.  And this breaks my heart!

So I hope the rest of you have a Happy Valentines day!

Have an Oh So Wonderful Day!
Catrina

This or That?

I'm so sick of being sick!  Okay I really only have been sick for one week but every time I think I am getting better some kind of new symptom arises and I continue to be fatigued and sick.  First it start out with a bad cold or maybe even the flu I don't know, I was exhausted, had a small fever, had the chills and was sweating like crazy.  The chills went away and pretty much so did the sweats, I was even starting to feel better, then my throat started hurting, then my ears began bothering me, sinuses started draining and eyes began itching and burning.  Now a week after it all began my throat still hurts my sinuses are still draining, my eyes hurt a little and my ears a super clogged up.  Its hard to function when you feel like this.  I am still so tired, all I want to do is sleep but with 4 kids to care for that is nearly next to impossible.  I try to manage a nap when the babies nap, or at least while one baby naps and the others watch some educational devil tv.  But even then its not a full sleep because of course the other still need stuff, so I still have to get up but I guess at least I get little cat naps between their requests. 
Can you believe that Valentines day is less then a week away?  Look at me trying to make it sound like a major holiday (ha).  Are you getting you man something?  I always get my man something, usually a card some of his favorite candy and some kind of gift.  Last year he waited till the last minute and didn't exactly get me what I want but he was sweet and went to the store and bought strawberry's and chocolate and made me me chocolate covered strawberry's.  Okay well he kind of screwed it up and it was more like chocolate strawberry soup but it was good and a sweet gesture.  We also involve the kiddos in valentines and get them a sweet little toy or candy.  What do you do?


Have an Oh So Wonderful Day!
Catrina

Happy Birthday!

HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO YOU!

HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO YOU!

HAPPY BIRTHDAY DEAR MOMMY!

HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO YOU!

HAPPY BIRTHDAY MOMMY

I Love You!

Have an Oh So Wonderful Day!

Catrina

Our Christmas

Yes Christmas has come and gone... Ours was a wonderful Christmas... How was yours? Of course now though I am sick and thats not fun. I think I may have bronchitis (which is not fun!)
The girls had a wonderful Christmas and got TONs of toy! Carly got alot of clothes and money (which will come in handy when we need to buy her more clothes and other such things that she will be needing.
I finally got to open my lighting kit and play with it! I had so much fun trying to figure out all the settings and such . But I am not done figuring it all out as I have alot more to learn.
So now I leave you with some photos to enjoy from the holidays.

Our Christmas Eve picture

Christmas morning in matching jammies

My mom knows I hate flowered shirts so she taped flowers on my shirt!

The Hubby was very happy with the gifts I got him

Jakey just looked so cute!

Home made fudge

Ham

Dinner table

Dinnerware

Kiddie table
Devin is very happy with Lots-a

Kara was being a bad girl and mad at mama for putting her on the couch

Me and my Devin

Me and my Brookie

Devin and her Lalaloopsy

This pic isnt the greatest but I love Carly's face!

My 4 girlies Christmas day!

Fairy Brooke

Fairy Kara

Devin

Salad

Have an Oh So Wonderful Day!

Catrina

Please Daddy!

So today we were hanging out with the kiddo's and they had noticed that there were a couple presents under the tree now (that we wrapped last night) and well Brookie was asking were they came from and why we weren't opening them. Of couse I told her because its not Christmas yet and she would have to wait. Well the Hubby tells the girls, when I was little all I had to do is beg my mom and she would let me open a gift early... And so that is what 3 girls did.. they got on the floor folded thier hands and begged Daddy Please can we open a present? they even got down on the floor and grabbed his leg and begged him (of course between me and you I think he would have let them open a gift early without them begging). He then went to the tree to decide what gift they would open (again between me and you, he knew which one he was going to pick out). I took a bunch of pics of them opening thier first gift of the holiday and they were all very excited! Your wondering what they got aren't you? Well they all got roller blades. Devin and Brooke got regular roller blades and Kara got a pair of trainer blades (they are blades that have wheels that look like tricycle wheels, and you can change then to regular blades once she learns how to skate). Of course they all wanted to try them out, so that is what they did. They all put thier blades on and Daddy took them into the garage, then they came in the house and bladed around the kitchen (more like walked because the kitchen isn't very big). They were all very excited! I couldn't get Kara to take her coat or blades off until dinner time.
Devin decided to let us open the gifts that she bought for us at her santa shop at school... Well she got me a candle that smelled like vanilla cookies (smelled very good!) and a ring, it was one of those ones that you can adjust the size but it is very cute! She also made me a neckless at school today as well.
Tomorrow after school starts thier Christmas break! We still have plenty of presents to wrap. I just need to stay away from the stores because I can't stop spending!

Have an Oh So Wonderful Day!
Catrina

The Season of Giving...

Today we Celebrate Christmas with one third of our family. Yes we have 3 Christmas Dinners every year! Today we are having Dinner with my dad's side of the family. No presents will be exchanged today because well times are hard and their are 13 kids in the family! So we are just going to spend the holiday today as a family.
This year I have decided as well that I am going to be teaching my children a lesson about the holidays.. Its not all about getting presents. I admit I have some pretty greedy children, the Hubby and I tried to prevent this when they were little but our oldest managed to get spoiled (and believe me we tried our damnedest to prevent it). So this year as a lesson the this holiday season is more about giving then receiving I will have my children take some money out of their spending money boxes and donate it to good cause. I will give them a few choices of causes and let them choose which cause they want to donate to.
They got new coats this year and we will be donating them as well to some children who need warm coats this winter.
I've said it in a previous post but I'll say it again. I use to be all about me I loved getting presents and that's all I cared about. But having children as made me more excited about giving gifts and such things then receiving them. And of course what a great lesson to teach your children right? Their are people out there less fortunate then us and its time for my children to learn how to help those less fortunate then ourselves.
Are you going to be giving this year? If so please feel free to share!

Have an Oh So Wonderful Day!
Catrina

Its beginning to....

The Stockings are hung by the Chimney with Care

and on the entertainment center

The Tree's are decorated to the T's

with ornaments, balls, and beads

The lights are flickering throughout the house



The trains are running around the base

The chairs are decorated with Santa hats, with Rudolf the Red Nose Reindeer senory near by

The mirrors are dawned with garland

and looking more beautiful then ever

Its beginning to look alot like Christmas! And thank god for that because I hate when Christmas doesn't feel like Christmas! There is snow everywhere, and decorations too!

I love this time of year when it actually feels like Christmas, especially since its a week away!

Have an Oh So Wonderful Day!

Catrina