I've been trying to think about what to post today because well I have yet again hit another block. So you'll be enjoying some randomness today...
First off I am so tired! Number 4 woke up at 5am to have a bottle, no big deal she usually does this and then goes back to sleep. Except this morning she chose not to go back to sleep. She fussed and fought so I brought her back into bed with me since Daddy was going to work. I turned on Nick Jr and hoped that she would fall back to sleep or at least watch the tube so I could go back to sleep... Nope she wasn't having anything to do with that, she continued to fuss. I put her back to bed thinking okay maybe she is tired again (this was probably 6-6:30) she screamed and wasn't having it (yet again). So I brought her back to bed with me I layed down and she started screaming yet again! Obviously at this point I was beyond frustrated because I just didn't know what was wrong with her. Thankfully my father her heard screaming and since he was up decided to take her for me so I could get some more rest. She fussed some more for him and finally I told him to go ahead and give her some baby food, I really didn't want her eating her "breakfast" that early but gave him the go ahead. She ate it and stopped fussing (until she realized it was gone) but the screaming finally stopped! Now with all my other kids when we started baby food it was a slow process and they didn't mind that it was a slow process but Carly is not having it she LOVES baby food and wants more! She is not eating rice cereal because she doesn't like it she is on straight stage 1 baby food, (at 4 months old) obviously she is still getting formula though.
Now I know in my "Book" I talked about getting stressed and PPD and while I'm not saying that is what I am going through because well it was just one night of frustration. I can definatly say, that saying don't get to stressed out when baby is screaming, but that is definatly easier said then done when you are exhausted and wanting to go back to bed and baby is screaming in your face! I stayed calm to an extent, yes I got pissed, yes I got frustrated but other then getting mad there wasn't much else I could do. Even if my father hadn't taken her from me I am sure eventually I would have offered her the baby food but when you are super tired, your thought processes are a bit slower then normal.
Can you believe there is only 8 more days till Christmas? I'm getting super excited! I just can't wait to give my family thier gifts! Sure I am excited about the gifts I will get. I am more excited to see the excited on my kids faces when they open thier gifts. Of course though I still have a few items that were purchased online that I am waiting to arrive. Hopefully they get here in time.
I was a bit worried this year that I would not find matching jammies for all the girlies but I had to go for a larger size for Carly so that she could match her sisters. and although this outfit will be huge on her I hope it will still look alright.
I've been thinking alot about the contest and weightloss program that I wrote about in this post, don't forget the deadline to enter is December 31st so get your comment in before then! But anyways I have been thinking alot about it and alot of the reason I chose to wait till the beginning of the year was because well duh the holidays you certainly eat more. But I thought okay now is my time to start to preparing and I have not been doing that at all I have been snacking on unhealthy foods constantly! You know it taste so good but you feel so guilty after devoring half a tube of chocolate chip cookie dough and then 2 handfuls of multigrain pringles! I know it sounds weird but who out there does this? For some reason if I have a sweet snack I feel that I need a salty one after words how strange is that? I believe this may be my down fall once the diet begins. I think I can handle the 15 minutes exercises but its the food intake that is were I am going to fail. Of course having that kind of attitude I am destined to fail right? I know I will try my dammdest once I start but I have low expectations for myself because I always give up on things... Yep I'm one of those people, if the things that I do are not getting the results that I am looking for I stop, instead of continueing until I get the results I am looking for I just giveup! So as long as I see results from the beginning I will do great but if not I know I will give up on myself! I think that should be something else I look to change in the new year, I need to change my expectations for myself and not let myself fail at everything I do. The only thing I feel I can do good at is taking care of my kids and well when I get frustrated I feel like I am failing once again!
Oh geeze look at me now... This post has turned into a feel sorry for me for being a failure. Sorry about that....
I must go clean and other such things, we have company coming over today and I am super excited!

Have an Oh So Wonderful Day!
Catrina

PPD (Post Partum Depression)

I was reading a post over at Mommy is Teething and she posted a link about a mother her shook her baby to death because he was crying while she played Farmville on Facebook! Okay I'm a Facebookaholic and I admit it (that's the first step ain't it?) and I use to play all the games like farmville, farmtown and other craziness like that, but alas I got bored with them and realized I would rather blog, I think I made a good choice I would rather write (or type) then play a silly game that takes for flipping ever to do anything. Anyways back to what I was saying....

Are you Freaking kidding me! Your game is that important that you shook your child because they were interrupting it?!?! That's just damn stupid! According to the article the baby was only 14 weeks old, a helpless infant! Like the kid knew you were playing Farmville and needed to plant your crops or harvest them, whatever it is that was so important that you couldn't tend to your child's needs quickly and then go back to it. Like for instance I am sitting her blogging and you may be wondering well were the hell are my kids (since I have 4 of them) well for you information, 1 just went to school, 2 & 3 are playing princesses (running up stairs to their room and downstairs to the toy room) and 4 is sitting right next to me talking to me and watching me type out this post. (I think she wonders how my hands are moving so quickly lol because she has her eyes set on them. )

Now I don't know her set of circumstances and I know some women suffer from PPD, I myself had a case of it after I had Kara (if it wasn't PPD it was something damn close to it). I know from personal experience of the thoughts that run through your head when you are suffering from PPD and maybe its just me but I could never in a million years hurt (or gasp kill) my child. When I had Devin I believe I may have suffered from PPD pretty badly but at that time in my life I didn't even know what PPD was and I had aweful thoughts but I removed myself from her, let her cry it out or what not, again no matter how aweful of a thought that would cross my mind she was just an innocent child trying to express her hurt or anger or hunger (whatever it may have been that was bothering her), which I eventually learned it was acid reflux that was burdening my child and making her cry so often. I know its hard on a mother who is sleep deprived that has a crying child at her side, not quite sure what it is that is ailing that baby. But that in those moments when the hatred and fear start kicking in when that anger and hurt start to take over, that is when you should realize that you have a problem and get help before a terrible incident occurs. Like I said I had those problems with Devin and it took me a long time to realize what was wrong with me, back then PPD wasn't as common or at least not talked about as much. But when I had Kara I was aware that this was an issue and I know now a days (at least were I had my children) the nurses disscuss PPD with parents to make them aware of this ever growing disorder. As soon as I realized the thoughts in my head were not right I sought help right away. And you should too! If you have any improper thoughts about your child even if you know you could never act on them you need to seek help. I was afraid when I first went in for help. I was afraid that they would take my children away, but that was not the case they just wanted to help me and get me through what ever it was that was causing me to feel that way.

I don't want to apologize for saying the things I have said it just hurts me to hear about something like this happening to an innocent child. I read many blogs about women who have been suffering from PPD and they sought out help and they are recovering and I commend them for seeking out help and admitting it to thier readers what they are going through at this very moment the thoughts that they are having and the things that they are doing to stop them. All I'm trying to say is if you feel like there is something just not right and you are having hurtful thoughts or feelings towards your child/children then Please I am begging you seek help before something happens that you will regret.

Have a Great Day

Catrina

As I was looking for pictures for PPD to post here I found a website geared to help women with PPD, If you or someone you know think they may have it you may want to check it out and seek help . http://www.jennyslight.org/

Can I complain about some things stressing me out?

I'm sure most everyone has been through at some point in thier life. Trying to sell a Car or a House, both can be very stressful. We unfortunitly are doing both right now. Yes we still own our home, well at least till May 5th or so. * If you weren't here to read my very first blog, I'll give you a quick heads up on whats going on* We put our house up for sale last February way under what we owe for it (short sale). We weren't getting any bites on it and were having trouble keeping up with the mortgage payment, so we moved in with my parents and rented out our house in hopes of being able to keep it while it was up for sale and still be able to make the mortgage payment. We moved out in March of 09 and our renters moved in at the end of April, it took them a few weeks to give us thier payment for May but not until June, then they didn't give us Junes payment till the end of July and then July's in august but by the time they gave us those payments were were already getting threats for forclosure so at the beginning of August we had got an eviction notice to kick them out. After 30 days the renters were still in the house and refusing to leave so we have to file another eviction notice for 7 days and they again didn't move out. We ended up going to court and having an agrument in the middle of the hallway. We got what we wanted though and they were ordered by the courts to move out. After there time was up we went back to the house and took the rest of thier things out and changed the locks on the house. Unfortunitly they went back to the house and vandalized it (busting out a window and trashing the yard). By that point we were fed up and just couldn't wait to get rid of the house, we tried to do a Deed In Lieu of Forclosure (were you hand over your deed of your house without going into forclosure) obviously the mortgage company does not want us to do that because our house went to Sheriff Sale back in November and we haven't heard anything since then. I got a call the other day from our realtor let us know that a managment company has taken over but the house is still ours till May 5th. So we have no worrys as far as the house goes anymore and the realtor dropped the price of our house $20,000 to hopefully get it sold before we completely loose it. I so hope someone finally buys it so we don't have to deal with forclosure, but I unfortunitly do not see that happening.
And on top of the stress of that we are trying to sell our blazer. Its not longer of any use to us (and hasn't been since Kara was born). The Hubby ended buying a truck with 3 seats in the back so thankfully we can fit all 3 girls in it and of course my car we have 3 seats to fit all 3 girls but the blazer has only 2 seats in back. We finally placed in on craigslist and have been getting people interested in looking but I just don't see it selling fast.
This is just so stressful. I just hope that we can get rid of this stress soon so I can start worrying about other things (that are more important).

Have a Great Day!
Catrina